Think

I put so much energy on my work that I forgot what was really important,
time was going fast and I was anaware of her disease,
that monster that was sucking life from her soul;
I thought to myself, I'll go to her tomorrow, or the day after
but I never did.

Futile things took priority in my life,
when I should have been there and say goodbye,
goodbye to her who was now beginning a long journey.

Death has become a joke,
nobody takes it seriously anymore,
they say people come and go,
like anything in this world,
think of the end of summer at the onset of winter.

What a shock,
she was already dead
when I was planning to visit her.

Why is time always in such a hurry,
why "us" people think we have a lot of it,
when in reality we could be next.

... think

Iamnotperfect wrote:I put so much energy on my work that I forgot what was really important, This is a pretty long line.
time was going fast and I was unaware of her disease,
that monster that was sucking life from her soul;
I thought to myself, I'll go to her tomorrow, or the day after, I would split this into two or three lines.
but I never did.

Futile things took priority in my life,
when I should have been there and said goodbye,
goodbye to her, who was now beginning a long journey. Again, pretty long line. You could easily make at least a couple lines out of this.

Death has become a joke,
nobody takes it seriously anymore, This does not sound poetic to me.
they say people come and go,
like anything in this world,
think of the end of summer at the onset of winter. I would think about putting a line break between "onset" and "winter."

What a shock,
she was already dead
when I was planning to visit her.
This stanza could be very emotional if you expanded it a little more.

Why is time always in such a hurry,
why "us" people think we have a lot of it, Why is there an "us?" It's a little distracting. I think it might sound better without it.
when in reality we could be next. Cool line.

... think.

Nice job with this poem! I liked it very much. Keep writing!

-Kafka

You're right! Time does go quickly. I hadn't really thought about that much. I geuss, if you look on the bright side there is a saying "Time flys when you're having fun".

Time has a funny and sometimes cruel way of taking care of missed chances, sometimes. She also has a nasty habit of doing whatever we don't want her to do. But time is out of our reach, in that way.

I really like this piece - the emotion is a tad weak in some places and there are some minor punctuation errors, but to be honest I was more concerned with the fact that I could relate to what you're saying. That, in itself, is an accomplishment on your part. Not all writers are able to connect with their readers, and I'll be the first to admit that I'm like a stone while reading most poetry. But, despite that fact, you got me on this one. Great write, and keep it up!

Thank you