Unlocked at last

So long ago I had a treasure I loved so much
I kept it safe , I kept it close
I cherished it and nourished it.
I kept it away from danger
It matured and grew as it became stronger than ever
Till the day I lost the key

I lost the key to my treasure chest
I lost a part of me
I had to live without my treasure
Life meant nothing all of a sudden
I was alive but dead
Life had no sense and taste

One day when my tears had shed enough
When despair consumed me
When death hunted me
You found my key.
The key I had lost so long ago
You smiled and opened my chest ,
There laid my heart
Right before my eyes
it had been there all this while.
I feel free - I can love
My heart you are .

Wow BeeBeeBB, you have a very heart felt poem right there. As me and my sister were reading it we couldn't believe that you were only FOURTEEN. You have a few grammatical errors but the flow of your poem is beautiful. Stanza two is where it pooped up. Does this story have an alternate meaning? Or is it just a poem from randomness? It was very beautiful, and you should definitely keep on writing. You have an emotion that needs to be expressed. I'm glad to have read it. And I'd say that my sister agrees to it as well.

Hi there, Beebee. My name is Blue. First of all, welcome to the site!

Okay. So, this poem was kind of difficult for me to review, but I'll try. It's basically a good poem, and I think it has a lot of potential, but it's kind of...bland. You've got good ideas going, but I think you need to - not expand on them, not make this longer - but I think more sensory details would be nice.

Powerful imagery and figurative language is largely what good poems are about. You could write a poem about an ant, but if it's a good poem - and not necessarily a silly one either - I'll love it anyways. You could make an ant poem haunting or funny or beautiful or heartbreaking depending on the images and figurative language used. (I now have an urge to write a poem about an ant...)

In this poem you have some figurative language going on - for example, the entire poem is an extended metaphor, in which your heart is compared to a treasure locked in a treasure chest. And I think it's really cool that the metaphoric treasure locked in a metaphoric chest is actually your heart which is actually locked in your REAL chest. I don't know if you made that connection on purpose, but it's a good one. So well done.

I also liked the line "I was alive but dead," which is a paradox or an oxymoron or something like that (I can never keep those straight). The personification in "despair consumed me" and "death hunted me" was great, and saying that your "tears had shed enough" rather than saying that YOU had shed enough tears was a really original idea, so good job again. And I really liked "I feel free - I can love." I'm not sure why; I just liked it.

However, the line at the end, "My heart you are," I'm not a fan of. I realize you were trying to sound more poetic and less cliched, maybe, than saying "you are my heart," but first of all...it sounds like Yoda is saying this. Which would be fine if Yoda was speaking throughout the whole poem - but since he's not, the way this line was configured seemed a little out of place. I personally think "I feel free - I can love" would be a fine place to end the poem, rendering this last line irrelevant, but of course that's your choice to make.

Other than that, like I said - more imagery, more figurative language. You definitely have a good start, but if you can change lines like "I kept it away from danger" into something with more sensory image, this poem can become even better.

I hope that helped, and also that I didn't offend you or hurt your feelings in any way. Any time you need a review, go ahead and let me know, I'm happy to help.

Good job once more, and I hope to see more of your writing in the future!

~Blue

I love your poem Beebee! I like your style of poetry. Keep them coming!

@Passion : Thanks i'm really glad people appreciate what I do I guess i'm going to keep on getter better and better . It came out of randomness i guess lol ( bored in a biology class ) .
@BlueAfrica : Thank you Blue , personally I really like critical reviews so I can ameliorate my poems . I really do appreciate the encouragement .
@Mikko : Thankiouu =) mikko , Yes i'll keep them coming for sure .