Worried

It's downright stupid that I miss you when you're right here. I can't help it, though, seeing as you're not really here. Yeah, sure, you smile for other people, you still kid and joke and hold your too pointy nose way up high like you're some big hotshot, when you're not really all that great, and you know it, and I know that, but you were my hotshot for a short while there. Before I lost you, that is. Thing is, you're not here.

Other people don't know you as well as I do. You're not really smiling and you're not really laughing. You stopped getting angry and red in the face when our friends make fun of your geeky computer tendencies, and you even got in a fight with one of them - but it was the worst kind of fight... you didn't even get upset. The look in your eyes just went freezing and you turned around. You guys haven't talked since. The old you would never have done that.

I'd lie if I'd say I'm sorry for all that I did. I know I hurt you. I know. Trust me, I've beaten myself up about this more than you can imagine. I'm sorry I took that crooked smile off your face for even a second. But... I thought... I don't even know what I thought. I thought that you were always going to be there, cocky and computer-obsessed, condescending to other people, but always having the patience to explain everything to me and never in a patronizing way.

I'll tell you a secret, but you have to promise to never tell anyone. When we hold hands... I feel like I'm holding a warm mug of sweet tea, the kind that warms up everything inside you and just makes you smile.

What the hell went wrong? Why are you like this now? You're too pale, and you've gotten all quiet... and you don't even talk about her anymore.

Repressing it won't make her go away.

I heard someone laugh about her being hospitalized again during lunch. You didn't tell me that. Your lips pressed together in a thin line and you folded your arms, staring at your tray. When I asked, you told me you guys broke up a while back. You didn't even know she was back in the asylum yourself. Then you wondered out loud, just for a second, if she was alright... if she was eating properly; she'd always hated hospital food, you know, and, hopefully, she was wearing thick clothes, the air conditioning in that place was always freezing, she'll surely catch a cold, she was just that idiotic.

For some reason, the sandwich I was eating didn't taste as good anymore.

I wasn't happy when you told me you broke up. Surprised? I was too. I never told you this, but I was really jealous. Seeing you together every day yet still having to pretend everything was perfect... you have no idea, it was a living hell. I actually laughed when you told me she was diagnosed with mental issues, because I always told you she was crazy. Wow, proved my point to the extreme, didn't it?

I'm just worried about you. Nevermind the whole love thing, push that away for now. As a friend. You're out of it. Snap back into reality. You don't grow red in the face anymore and you don't yell when everyone teases you, and you know... they'll stop doing it soon, because you're not really responding. And that new smile you have? Yeah, it's disgusting. It's not really your smile and I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. If you were crying, I could wipe away your tears. But you're keeping everything bottled up inside, how the hell can I help you when things are like that? What can I do to help you?

I know it doesn't seem that way, but I love you, and I'm so worried and anxious for you... I miss you so much, so much that it's completely idiotic, but you're right here. It's sad that things have turned out like this, isn't it? What can I do to help you come back to our life? It's not just me, all our friends are worried. But, yeah, I'm worried too. Is that not enough? Is my love not enough anymore? Is that what's wrong?

Does it have to be her?

I'm not happy you stopped dating her at all. You seem miserable. I just want you to laugh for real again... How can I do that? I dont know what to do anymore.

Please help me help you.

I'm so worried that it's killing me.

Hi.

I'd just liked to say i loved this story and i could feel the emotion. Well done.

But, i don't get this. This girls is in love with this boy and this boy went and run off with this other girl and now she's in the asylum.

WHY? Mental issues, yes. But, elaborate on what occurs at school. Does she spaz out? Or go into fits of rage.

Other than that, i thought that this piece was really terrific.

Oh, "I feel like I'm holding a warm mug of sweet tea......"

Don't know what to say on this, it seems like great description. But when i read it the first time. I didn't no what to make of it. I still don't. I definitely wouldn't think about a mug of hot sweet tea, when I'm holding hands. But hey, your character seems to be a gentle caring person. Maybe I am not. Haha.

~ T.K

Hello there.

I really enjoyed your story, but I think that Tommy was right. Maybe put some more info on who is actually the other girl? Apart from that it's great!

Oh, I have a question... You say in the beginning that you "lost him". Is that referring to her loosing a friend, or were they dating/having a "thing" before he was with the other crazy girl? That seemed a little bit confusing, but you understand, right? What I'm really wondering is what was their past? When I read it, it seemed like they had something before the crazy girl got in. But now that I'm thinking about it... I'm not sure. Maybe clarify that as well.

Keep writing!

-Other One

This was a powerful story. I liked that the fondness the girl held for her friend really came across - the little things that other people might not notice. Her love was convincing and that's kind of difficult to do properly sometimes.

There were maybe a couple of places where a piece of punctuation apart from a comma ought to have been used, but technically 'Worried' was near-perfect. You can tell you've re-read it to check for errors. There were quite a lot of long sentences but it all flowed well and you could sense how desperate the girl was.

I agree with the other two reviewers about wanting a little more backstory. You could use a couple of very short flashbacks, maybe. It wouldn't stick out too much because you've shown you can weave together past and present very well - recalling the way the boy used to shout at people who teased him and so on. I think that would really make the story complete.

Great job. I genuinely enjoyed this.

Thank you very much everyone! I'll work on a background story I'm really glad you liked it and am very grateful for all of your helping reviews!
Thanks!
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