Summer Romance (no title selected)

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CHAPTER #1

“What time is it?” I think to myself. I look over at my cheap green alarm clock hoping that it isn’t past 10 o’clock. When I look over at the clock it is 11. It’s the weekend. I’m supposed to be out enjoying New York City, not sleeping in till noon. I sit up on my cozy bed, and step down from the high bed frame. I walk over to the big windows of my penthouse that look over the city. The people look like tiny little dots from up here and everyone and their mother is rushing to get somewhere.

Before heading to the bathroom to take a shower and start my day, I grab a towel out of the linen closet. When I get to the closet I notice a piece of slightly yellowed crumbled paper. I pick the paper up and un-crumble it. I start to cry when I see the handwriting. I reach for the nearby wall holding on to it while I slide down to slowly sit on the floor. Then I see; it was the handwriting of my father who had passed away seven months ago due to cancer. I try and contain myself while trying to read the letter. But I can’t see the words because my eyes are blurry with tears. I scramble up off the floor and quickly grab a tissue from the bathroom and wipe my eyes. I throw the tissue in the trash can and return to the floor where the letter lays. I grab the letter gently and start to read: “My Dearest Lucy, if you’re reading this, you have probably found the letter laying somewhere around our apartment. I didn’t mean to leave you like this. But God knew that it was my turn to go. Don’t blame Him though; it’s his job to take care of this stuff. Lucy, I want you to know that I love you very much, even though I didn’t show it. I know I wasn’t there for your childhood, but when you moved here to New York to be with me after your argument with Mom, you were my world. You have always been my world. Now, I can’t be here for you anymore, but I will always be with you in your heart. P.S. Go back home to Florida to be you’re your Mom. I don’t want you to be here alone anymore. Try and make things right with her. You’ll feel much better. Love, Dad”I toss the letter to the ground and put my hands to my face. I can’t believe I just now found this. I look up at the clock seeing that it is already 11:45. I quickly get into the shower. After my shower, I sit on my bed with my phone trembling in my hand and I call the Key West Airport. When a woman answers the phone, I say I need 1 ticket to Key West, Florida. She says my flight will leave tomorrow at 4 o’clock.

Mom doesn’t know I’m coming yet, and I don’t think I want her too. I think I may just show up on her doorstep, and if she wants to talk, we’ll talk. If she doesn’t, I guess she doesn’t. I grab the note and head for the kitchen to get a new envelope and a plastic baggy. I carefully slip the note into the envelope and then put the envelope in the baggy. Just for extra protection.




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First off welcome to YWS :) Pm me if you need any help or ask the guys in green - they know things ( we may be confusing :) )
I really enjoyed this story and i am intrugued to find out what happens next. *follows*
There are afew mistakes which i am going to point out.
MUSiiCx3TiiAMO wrote:“What time is it?” I think to myself.
Itallics for thoughts and ditch the speech marks
MUSiiCx3TiiAMO wrote: look over at my cheap green alarm clock hoping that it isn’t past 10 o’clock. When I look over at the clock it is 11.
okay so here i would delet the "when i look over at the clock" otherwise you are just unnesicarily repeating yourself
MUSiiCx3TiiAMO wrote:everyone and their mother
maybe best to just put everyone
MUSiiCx3TiiAMO wrote:crumbled paper. I pick the paper up and un-crumble it.
you would generally say a cookie was crumbly and not paper and also you cant UN crumble something (maybe try crumple?)
I'm not going to say any more because I'll just annoy you but I just want to say it really annoys be you say baggy instead of bag and remember SHOW DON'T TELL

very good, keep up the work :D

-Tinkembell (the slightly crazed one) -

*like*
"The rabbit always squeals in the jaws of the fox, but when has another rabbit ever rushed up to save it?" Damon Salvatore
;'( please, my lump, he just needs HUGS <3
Need a review? Just ask :)
Just keep writing, just keep writing, do-do-do-do-do




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Hello there. :)

I won't do the nitpicks because I'm don't really want to do this right now, but you can PM me, or just write on my wall if you want me to revise it.

First off, I like where this is going. You get right to the point, giving us enough information, but not too much. The things I want you to work on though, is that you do an awful lot of telling, and not showing. To help you do that, you should concentrate on the feelings she has, instead of what she does or sees... Someone once told me questions (easy one's, don't worry ;)) that we, as writers, should always think about.

What does it look like?
How does it feel?
What does it taste?
What does she hear?
What does it smell?
What is she thinking?

Hopefully, it will help for this part. :)

Keep on working!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466



Have a biscuit, Potter.
— Professor McGonagall