Tongue Tied

I.

It's back to staring at the world
through a dusty bus window
in the morning; 'twas time for sunrise,
time for words to be carved into the sea
for ash to be chiseled into trees
and we may as well burn shame
into our hands, hold a match
to all of the leaves, she said
we may as well burn shame


II.

and it's back to watching the world
as it blends the colors of weather
in the afternoon; the bells keep ringing
before they migrate from one crowd
to another; they move too quickly
in a black and gray world, she said
for you won't even remember
what it's like to slow down if
you all move too quickly together


III.

I believe damage had been done
when I couldn't see stars anymore
against the night; the pendulum
continued to chant, tick-tock, tick-tock,
her whispers slithered throughout the clock
and I hope you don't forget how I
grabbed time by the tongue, waiting
to end moments already begun, I said
I truly hope you don't forget

because surely, I will
with all the time in the world.

Spoiler

who "she" is really isn't all that important. just somebody I used to trust.

Ahh, "Pendulum"

Okay, I hope you don't mind too terribly, but I might do a little line-picking-aparting.

It's back to staring at the world
through a dusty bus window
in the morning;

Okay: I love this. I have sat on so many buses, and they always carry the same emotions and feelings with it. Every trip has that one... I don't know. Mental atmosphere, if you will. So, this carried a lot with it, in a few words. Great job.

'twas time for sunrise,

The word "'twas" felt a bit out of place to me. I don't know why; it's always just carried really formal connotations.

time for words to be carved into the sea
for ash to be chiseled into trees

This. This is why I love your writing.

as it blends the colors of weather
in the afternoon;

There seemed to be a lot of prepositions or something here. The imagery is beautiful of course, but I think that you could rephrase it to be a little smoother.

to another. They move too quickly

I think that you could join all these lines together into one sentence thingy, grammatically. It would feel smoother to me, but then of course, I AM addicted to semi-colons and commas. I rarely do sentence breaks. However, I DO think it would sound better if you switched the ".They" with "and".

grabbed time by the tongue, waiting
to end moments already begun, I said
I truly hope you don't forget

because surely, I will
with all the time in the world.

*Siigh*
Jealous.


Overall: Awesome job; I love your imagery, your tone, the simple way you express yourse;f and how articulate you manage to be. You know all this already though.
Great job.

-Coral-

This is a very nice piece, Ear. It is not so much the imagery as the feeling that you produce throughout part one, two, and three that makes it so admirable. I have grown to enjoy your unique style of poetry. As you saw, I attempted to recreate it in "The Museum of Dark Artifacts," with my own dark touch, but did not utilize the style half as well as you do. The words in "Tongue Tied" are very natural, and mostly very flowing. But, as you know, my reviews are never completely praise. Here is some critique I have for you:

in the morning; 'twas time for sunrise,

I can tell you wanted to maintain the flow of the poem here, but "'twas" really just doesn't work. Think of something else; I'm sure you can.

we may as well burn shame

This pattern of a repeated phrase, though sometimes strengthening, is very cliched, and it does not do much to strengthen the idea of burning shame so much as annoy the reader.

and it's back to watching the world

I understand that you are very opposed to capitalizing the beginning of lines, and though I can handle this most of the time (you saw how I would capitalize the first letter of every single line in my poems), I think not capitalizing "and," it being the first word of a new part, is too much for me to handle.

as it blends the colors of weather

"Blend" does not sound like the right word here. Here are some alternatives you could use: fuse, merge, unite, harmonize, unify...just not blend.

you all move too quickly together

This a confusing line, and the wording sounds a bit odd as well.

I believe damage had been done

I had to read this line twice, and I finally realized why. It's the tense: when you abruptly go from present tense to past perfect, it leaves the reader a little disoriented, and is not correct, either. You can either change "believe" to "believed" or "had" to "has."

because surely, I will
with all the time in the world.

Same problem as I had with the lowercase "and."

Don't get me wrong, there were some truly amazing lines in there, too, but I'm only going to go into specifics in the critique. All in all, very well done. You continue to impress me. Keep it up!