Baby Doll

The rag doll sleeps until he picks her up and she
dances on his feet and kisses his lips;
but she isn't playing with the sway of her hips;
her heart is stale in his hands.

The dolly won't fall down until he lets her go and she
won't miss a step until he spreads her legs;
but she stays silent and patient and groans back when he groans,
and her belly is growing in size.

So she dries her insides with the vinegar salt and she
retches her guts on the bathroom floor;
but she won't think beyond herself and won't look beyond the now,
and her baby doll boils in her blood.

"Doctor, sing her a lullaby;
she looks so frigid and pale."

"Mama, buy her a mockingbird;"
her smile is so broken and void."

but her eyes have shattered in tears.

The "but" struck me as a bit redundant. I think this line is stronger if you drop it entirely.

retches her guts on the bathroom floor;

A wretch is a miserable person. To retch is the gag or vomit.

but she won't think beyond herself and won't look beyond the now,

This line struck me as a bit long. I suggest condensing it down to "but she won't think beyond herself and beyond the now".

I'm not quite sure who the baby doll refers to since you seem to use the doll comparison for both the mother and the baby in the first and second stanzas. I'm not sure if it was intentional since I think comparing them both to dolls works, but it is a bit confusing.

Overall, I like how you handled the subject. It was subtle, but not too subtle, and it wasn't judgemental or preachy, which I appreciated. I'm not sure how the title relates to the rest of the poem, though, so you might want to make the connection clearer.

unless the "doll" is refering to two different personallity you first two stanza

"The baby doll sleeps until he picks her up and she
dances with his feet and kisses his lips;
but she isn't playing with the sway of her hips;
her eyes have shattered in tears.

The dolly won't fall down until he lets her go and she
won't miss a step until he spreads her legs;
but she stays silent and patient and groans back when he groans,
and her belly is growing in size."

Shows a "HE" in charge of the doll but this line

"and her baby doll boils in her blood."

Brought an unexpected third person to the story making it confusing.
With a little more work your poem will be perfect

First off amazing poem. And I agree with everything said above other then those I have not found any mistakes. ^_^

I'm honestly impressed Lumi. But you don't wanna hear praise, it's dark, and I love dark, the title reference film I'm guessing? If not no idea. I like how you insert sex into the poem, without it being vulgar, you weave it in expertly. Reading it again, I understand what this is about, making theme much darker, it's child abuse. But it took me two times to read it.

It comes across as very dark, and with words like baby doll, you confuse the readers into thinking it's consensual, but with another read it hits them. And I understand and see the change from a young girl to an abortion she had to have.

It's not a happy poem and I have to ask what made you think of it?

First time i read it, i found it a bit confusing, and as somebody said change of persons... e or she..

But then i read what "LastPaladin" said, about it being about abortion, so i read it again.

Now i found it sooo much sadder, still soo much better! x)
The mistakes seemed to dissolve, so good work, it's very good!

Another haunting piece, almost as powerful in its impact as Mirror Girl! Again, the title immediately pulls me in, and your rhythm is great. Occasionally I found myself a little confused as to what was going on at every moment, but it's not major confusion. The other reviewers have pointed out the other main points I was going to make, so I won't be repetitive about it. Regardless, you're a great poet!

Beggining was good, and creepy. The middle seemed to suggest laboar, or sodomy(Not sure). The end more suggests laboar, but hey. These dilemas make it hard for me to get the message. Other than a rather misleading story, good pros.

Wow, this is incredible. I actually thought the reference to the baby doll in the third stanza made perfect sense.

Wow!
This is amazingly spooky...
Full of mystery. I don't 100% fully understand what the poem's supposed to be about, and yet it still feels kind of perfect. It's my kind of poem I love poems that are written like this Poems that make normal things like dollies sound so creepy xxx
By the way.. I'm sorry if by asking this, it sounds as though I don't understand your poem at all, but is the person in your poem supposed to be bulimic? Because if it is... Then I think you wrote about a sensetive subject like this amazingly well!
And if the poem isn't about that... them I'm sorry
xxxx

At first glance, I found this piece a little bit confusing. But after the second time through, and reading what paladin said, I began to understand.

This is an extremely controversial subject in today's times, and I feel that you handled it perfectly. The baby doll is a perfect symbol in this poem, because it can represent more than just one thing in this poem, making it seem very dynamic.

I enjoyed this chilling poem, and look forward to reading other pieces of your work.

I like your writing style in all of the work I've read so far. Your language is definitely different, but I like it.
Anyway. Splitting this into thirds because I've no idea where to start.

Lumi wrote:The rag doll sleeps until he picks her up and she
dances on his feet and kisses his lips;
but she isn't playing with the sway of her hips;
her heart is stale in his hands.

The dolly won't fall down until he lets her go and she
won't miss a step until he spreads her legs;
but she stays silent and patient and groans back when he groans,
and her belly is growing in size.

I like the rag doll reference. At first the beginning three lines had the "he gives her life" kind of feel, but the last line of the stanza corrected my interpretation and set the tone. My only issue with the first stanza was understanding the third line. I'm assuming that by saying "she isn't playing with the sway of her hips," you're trying to say that she's not making herself dance, which would suggest everything she's doing is something he controls, and not her. At first, though, I thought you were already bringing in the third character. With "she" being the pronoun that describes the person doing the action and "her" being the pronoun that recieves the action, all in the same sentence, it seems like there are two girls, not just one. The misunderstanding is probably just a mistake on my part, but I thought I'd point it out.

The meaning of the second stanza is pretty obvious, and I like how you were able to make it as clear as it is without being too extreme about it.

Lumi wrote:So she dries her insides with the vinegar salt and she
retches her guts on the bathroom floor;
but she won't think beyond herself and won't look beyond the now,
and her baby doll boils in her blood.

Again, this is why I like the rag doll reference. "Rag dolls" generally look older (not in age, of course, but in the way they're made). Or, at least, to me they do. Anyway. It's easy to assume that the rag doll is the mother, and the baby doll is.. well, the baby. This stanza foreshadows an abortion, which helps explain the last two quotes in the end:

Lumi wrote:"Doctor, sing her a lullaby;
she looks so frigid and pale."

"Mama, buy her a mockingbird;"
her smile is so broken and void."

I don't really have anything else to say. This is fantastic.

Obviously this review didn't end up being very constructive, because all I really did was tell you what you did right. Granted, I could have been wrong on all my interpretations on the meanings (if so, sorry about that), but that doesn't change the fact that this was an excellent piece. You've got a lot of talent.