My Last Day...at school.

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The blazing sun rays hit my face. It was the last day of June and tomorrow my freedom was going to start. I was sad because today was my last day in school. I stepped out of my house and i could see my best friend waiting for me, Aaron. The guy was my friend since pre-school and i knew we would always be best of friends. Leaning but the bus stop sign with his ruffled brown hair shining in the sun, Aaron was waiting for me like every other school day. This time, from under his hand on his forehead blocking the sun, i could feel his tension. We knew each other well and i knew what his instinct were telling him, i was feeling nervous. I could see him preparing his encouraging smile for me. A friend like him was rare because he had my favorite quality, he really gave a damn. Poor guy, i gave him stress very easily because i really was a troublesome person but somehow he stuck to me, a reason i never knew. Wearing his favorite loose grey t-shirt under a dark blue hood and black denims. I finally reached him and he gave me his rehearsed encouraging smile.
"Happy Last day" he exclaimed.
"What is so happy about it?" i replied. I put my forehead on his shoulder.
"I wish i knew. Come on cheer up, it's not the end of the world."
"Come on Aaron! You know that to us it is"
He hugged me.
"Don't worry. All good things have an end. Pretend this is the end of a chapter and look on the bright side! we have the whole novel left"
I gave a weak laugh. I knew he was satisfied.
"You could have dressed a bit formal, i brought my camera" i joked
"What did you expect for me to do, wear a tux? Clearly you look...uhh...the bus!"
"...I look like a bus?"
"No! i mean the bus is hear...you look great"
Yes, i know what you all have in mind. You all are absolutely correct, Aaron liked me. I found out when i started getting valentine notes in my locker with a badly drawn star from a secret admirer. I never suspected Aaron because i was in the sixth grade and i never thought of Aaron in that sense. I later realized that Aaron couldn't draw a proper star and on the back of his math notebook was in the tiniest font, my name with his last name. I laughed for days. I never confronted it for two good reasons:
I didn't want to start feeling uncomfortable with him since we were both young
Second, Aaron had to tell me himself.
I sat next to him and brought back our memories of finger painting and junior prom dances. We rode our last bus ride and laughed all the way about or past.
The bus stopped in front of school and i could make out three people in the crowd, our gang. Tom, Emma, and Kyle. The people i always wanted to be with. Emma and i were always good friends but she always wondered why i was so close to Aaron. Tom was Aaron's second best friend like Emma was to me. He was also dating Emma. Kyle and i met in high school and he was somewhat like Aaron but not have the fun as him. A group of three guys and two girls, yes there were jealousy issues. We were still always friends and we had too much in common or too much the opposite. The jealousy issues had started first targeting me with Tom and Kyle as rivals but some how Emma entered and solved the problem. She was competition since she had long dark hair and pale blue eyes and me being a brunett with dark brown eyes. Kyle was still left and Aaron was not such a quiet person, slipped out but not directly to me so that doesn't count.
I waved at them and they waved back. I had slight tears in my eyes when Aaron surprised me with a quick crushing hug.
"Please please don't cry. I can't see you like that"
I stared at him in shock and he looked red in the face.
to be continued...
If you guys like it then please do like it on YWS and give open reviews. i wanted it to be continued so i could improve it through critiques and i am kind of tired after typing so later!




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Ah, you over posted this, alot.
Tell the people Mazzi is here! To defend the defenseless! Befriend the friendless! And to defeat...the defeatless!

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Red-Needs capitalization
Blue-Puncuation
Purple-Spelling
The blazing sun rays hit my face. It was the last day of May and tomorrow my freedom was going to start. I was sad because today was my last day in school. I stepped out of my house and i could see my best friend waiting for me, Aaron. The guy was my friend since pre-school and i knew we would always be best of friends. Leaning by the bus stop sign with his ruffled brown hair shining in the sun, Aaron was waiting for me like every other school day. This time, from under his hand on his forehead blocking the sun, i could feel his tension. We knew each other well and i knew what his instincts were telling him, i was feeling nervous. I could see him preparing his encouraging smile for me. A friend like him was rare because he had my favorite quality, he really gave a damn. Poor guy, i gave him stress very easily because i really was a troublesome person but somehow he stuck to me, a reason i never knew. Wearing his favorite loose grey t-shirt under a dark blue hood and black denims. I finally reached him and he gave me his rehearsed encouraging smile.

"Happy Last day," he exclaimed.

"What is so happy about it?" i replied. I put my forehead on his shoulder.

"I wish i knew. Come on cheer up, it's not the end of the world."

"Come on, Aaron! You know that to us it is."

He hugged me.

"Don't worry. All good things have an end. Pretend this is the end of a chapter and look on the bright side! We have the whole novel left." I don't think it was all that great of a choice to have the characters point out that they were in a story.

I gave a weak laugh. I knew he was satisfied.

"You could have dressed a bit formal, i brought my camera," i joked.

"What did you expect for me to do, wear a tux? Clearly you look...uhh...the bus!"

"...I look like a bus?"

"No! i mean the bus is here...you look great."

Yes, i know what you all have in mind. You all are absolutely correct, Aaron liked me. I found out when i started getting valentine notes in my locker with a badly drawn star from a secret admirer. I never suspected Aaron because i was in the sixth grade and i never thought of Aaron in that sense. I later realized that Aaron couldn't draw a proper star and on the back of his math notebook was in the tiniest font, my name with his last name. I laughed for days. I never confronted it for two good reasons:

I didn't want to start feeling uncomfortable with him since we were both young

Second, Aaron had to tell me himself.And why did he need to?

I sat next to him and brought back our memories of finger painting and junior prom dances. We rode our last bus ride and laughed all the way about or past.

The bus stopped in front of school and i could make out three people in the crowd, our gang. Tom, Emma, and Kyle. The people i always wanted to be with. Emma and i were always good friends but she always wondered why i was so close to Aaron. Tom was Aaron's second best friend, like Emma, was to me. He was also dating Emma. Kyle and i met in high school and he was somewhat like Aaron but not half the fun as him. A group of three guys and two girls, yes there were jealousy issues. We were still always friends and we had too much in common or too much the opposite. The jealousy issues had started first targeting me with Tom and Kyle as rivals but somehow(Somehow is a full word) Emma entered and solved the problem. She was competition since she had long dark hair and pale blue eyes and me being a brunette with dark brown eyes. Kyle was still left and Aaron was not such a quiet person, slipped out but not directly to me so that doesn't count.
I think that paragraph needs to be toatlly revised. It needs more clarity. I had a hard time grasping what you were trying to get across.
I waved at them and they waved back. I had slight tears in my eyes when Aaron surprised me with a quick crushing hug.

"Please please don't cry. I can't see you like that."

I stared at him in shock and he looked red in the face.

to be continued...


The "I"s are always supposed to be capitalized. Like, I'd, I'm, I, etc. I just wanted to open up with that. Okay, Hi there, Pencilgirl. AA lot of what I wanted to say was stated up there.
I think this article will be helpful. topic44898.html
It's on dialogue which is a thing I think you have a problem with here. Not trying to be mean or anthing. Also I think you should reword some parts. I just don't see some parts of this connecting with the the story. I hope I helped at all. I also hope I didn't come across as mean. I just hope you look over this and then it will be a very promising story I bet.
~Ladypurple.
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You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
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Keep it up. You have no idea how common of a story this is. Many people are just too scared to tell it. Good job. Watch out for a few grammar errors such as have and half. But otherwise, good job




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Firstly, I would like to point out the flaws in this piece of creative writing. Unfortunatly, there were a few grammatical errors. For example 'i' should be written as 'I', I apologise for being picky, but it is important to point out what is wrong, so that you can improve! Another point of improvement, is to try and re-phrase sentances, read over them, and re-write them, just to be sure they make perfect sense.

Overall, I did not read it all, due to it's length, but I think you have potential to write and publish some good work, it's just a case of practicing, remember to read, whether that is books, magazines or newspapers, reading will help you improve your grammar and writing.

Good luck in writing!

:-)
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