Diary of a blind girl

5 posts
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Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
In a dark little world
All my own
I am lost without a purporse
I am all alone

Sometimes to others
I ask them to help me
Then they relise
I cannot see

People only see
a pretty little girl
with rosy cheeks
and eyes like pearls

Thick brown locks
and a pretty face
no one knows my secrets
or my painful disgrace

My mother forgets
I cannot see
and if i do something wrong
she will beat me

I must be stupid
i must be bad
what else would've made
my mother so mad

I don't know any colours
I don't know whats green
The only place i see
is in my dreams

No one listens
or feels my pain
and if i try and talk
i burn with shame

I try to get attention
and start to bawl
My mother grabs me
and throws my into the wall

I fell down the stairs
and then i cried
"I wish i was dead"
and then i died
"Tell me a joke" She smiled, "I love you" he laughed, leaving her there with a broken heart




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1050
Reviews 267
wow, that was beautiful!!! sad..... :( The only thing I'll nit-pick is that the second stanza didn't ryme as well as the others. But apart from that, I thought it was awesome!!! *sniff*

[edit] I wouldn't have the text in that pink..its a bit hard to read...




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 94
Good work, I really like it. Very beautiful and sad.

The fourth stanza doesn't have much rhythm, by the way.

-*Twinkles
*~*Shining through the dark black night...Twinkling Starz*~*




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 1160
Yes this was a bit sad...
Yet it was also like that chain letter... about the 3 year old who's dad drinks and in the end he killed her...

I am serious, I believe you pladgerized a few lines... I'm going to look up the chain letter and see what's what...




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 5890
Reviews 418
That was an okay poem. It needs some work in the rhyming, and the fourth stanza doesn't really follow it.
My number 1 edit would be to kind of put some stanzas together. The 4 line stanzas just look too cliche, and are more for a poem like "Roses are red, violets are blue...".
Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.



Edna began to feel like one who awakens gradually out of a dream, a delicious, grotesque, impossible dream, to feel again the realities pressing into her soul.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening