Movies May Be Real *Prolouge*

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I stood next to my co-star and waited until our director said cut. It was the end of our scene.

“Cut,” he said through a megaphone.

I walked off the set and got to the breakfast bar. I took a sip of water and held the bottle.
My co-star was a mega celebrity, everyone knew him. He played in a couple of movies and shows ever since he was like ten years old. I for one am not a mega celebrity; I’m just a normal girl that came from Chicago.
I flipped my blond hair over my shoulder as I looked at all the lights that flashed at the set. The set was of a school video room. Cameras were placed everywhere and the walls were painted white. A green screen was placed at the back. That set was used also as a green screen place. I just got into this business a couple weeks ago, so I still didn’t really get the hang of it.

I looked through my fifty paged scrip. It was great; my character was a video producer. She was the new student in the school and she signed up for Video Club. She’s been making movies and videos ever since she had a camera in her hand, so this school had a better opportunity for her. The schools cameras were amazing. But, my co-stars character was the best film maker in the whole entire school. Whoever was better than him, was an enemy of his. He just didn’t like competition.

He came up to me and smiled, his pearly whites flashing and his brown eyes staring into my blues.

“Hey,” I said with no emotion.

“Hey,” he replied.

He grabbed a glazed doughnut and took a bite out of it.

“You’re pretty good for your first time acting in a film production,” Evan said.

Oh, I forgot to mention; his name is Evan Hunger. Funny last name, every time I’m around him, I am hungry.

“Thanks,” I said trying to make my smile believable.

I wasn’t such a huge fan of him. I mean I loved his acting but there was something about him that just didn’t fit. Every time I talked to him he didn’t even look me in the eyes, and he seemed really nervous. That freaked me out, and I don’t even know why he does that.

“Hey, Alex, can you come here for a second,” My director asked me.

I turned my head and smiled, “Sure,”

I walked up to him, hearing my converse screech, they were very old.
I got up to him, noticing a bald spot on the top of his head. He was sitting on those film chairs that you see all the time that are back stage.

“This line,” he pointed to it.

“Mhm?” I hummed.

“Read it to me,” he commanded.

“But that’s not even a line, it’s a description, as in, the charcter does the thing.” I explained.

He rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” I muttered.

I read the line in my mind. It said: Riley steps closer to Georgia.

“Out loud.” He reminded me.

“Riley steps closer to Georgia.”

He smiled and flipped to the next page. I yawned and tapped my foot from boredom. Seriously, what did he want now?

“Here,” he pointed to my line.

“Mhm,” I hummed.

“Say this line,”

Now this was an actual line. It was mine.

“Don’t even bother!” I said with no emotion.

“Uh, with emotion, that’s why I want you to read it.”

I nodded and repeated but this time with anger and sadness.

“Don’t even bother,” I hissed.

Mr. Kyle smiled and clapped. I blushed.

“Great job, just wanted to check if you’ve still got the great acting in you. Some lose it after three weeks at work you know,” he said.

“Alright, thank you,” I replied.

“You can scatter,” he said.

I turned on my heel and headed to my fancy film set chair. It had my name written on it: Alex Dobrzanska.
I have a Polish name; my family is originally from Poland. I’ve been there a few times, no, a lot of times actually. So I know how to speak, talk and write in Polish fluently.
I felt someone tap my shoulder and I jumped.
I turned around and saw Evan smiling.

“Hey,” I said once again.

“Um, I wanted to ask you something…” he said shyly.

Some people may be in shock if I told them what Evan was really like. He’s completely shy; he gets nervous every time he has to talk to a girl (well maybe when he has to talk to me) and he hates pizza!
Now, who hates pizza?!

“Then shoot,” I spit out.

I hate it when people just say ‘I wanna ask you a question…’ why don’t they just ask it?
He shifted his weight form one foot to the other. His hands were in his pocket and his black hair was messed up.

“Uh, would you like to…” and right then and there I knew what he was going to ask.

Everyone would have known. But, somebody cut him off and it wasn’t me.

“Everyone back onto the set now!” the megaphone said.

He might’ve thought that I didn’t know what he was about to say because he acted completely normal when we went back to the video room set. Let’s leave it that way.
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




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Weee. My first review.

Overview: Interesting but I have to wonder why it's a prologue. It always sounds nice to say you've written a prologue (trust me, I've done so myself) but in the end, most of the time it's not needed and can be easily called Chapter 1. The only time one should write a prologue is to describe a backstory that isn't necessarily terribly relevant to the plot but it would help you a lot to understand what is going on. However, other people may use a prologue to pull the reader in and add an element of mystery but eh, calling it Chapter 1 is still fine :p

Content: You have a lot of infodumps in here. Lots and lots of infodumps. If you don't understand what I mean, here's an example.
My co-star was a mega celebrity, everyone knew him. He played in a couple of movies and shows ever since he was like ten years old. I for one am not a mega celebrity; I’m just a normal girl that came from Chicago.


Show. Don't tell. You dump a lot of information here, about Evan's life that really, the reader is wondering why its important. The same is similar for when you talk about how your character has a Polish name. Why is this relevant?

Point of View: You're using a first person POV almost like it's third. First person was created so a writer can really display his or her character to the reader. Reading first person is like a gateway to the character's mind. However, Alex is doing more telling and explaining than thinking inside her head for all of us to witness.

Description: Don't forget, as a writer, it is your duty to make sure the reader knows all the character's senses. aka: where is Alex, what does the room look like, does it smell like anything, what's going on around her, are there a lot of people, a lot of noise, stuff like that.

Grammar: I suck at grammar so I'll leave that to you. Besides, grammar is easy to fix and getting reviews on how you didn't change your tenses is boring :p However, I did see that you use the semi-colon (;) a lot. Not to say that your usage is wrong, it's just that a semi-colon is rarely needed. So, you might want to check how that is used to make sure everything is ok.

Final Words: This was cute. Just work on some of the above things and you'll be good to go!




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This shouldn't be a prolouge... but it's nicely written and I love the plot. Keep on Writin'!

Michelle
Hope you like my 'Books'!
Kocham Cie(:
-Michelle



Every first draft is perfect, because all a first draft has to do is exist.
— Jane Smiley