Locke & Keye

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Hey guys, long time no write...it has been a while hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year, this is my latest piece it's somewhat fantasy somewhat romance, I''m still working out all the kinks, so please review, thanks Addawen




Tristen pulled me roughly against him, his fingertips biting into my bare arms. I've never seen him so furious before, his blue eyes ablaze with sheer animosity.

“Do not tell me how I feel.” he growls, pulling my small frame closer to his, as if to prove his point, a point that he is losing no doubt. Flashing him a cat ate the canary smile, I continue with my taunting.

“Give it up Tristen,” I goad running my small fingers along his chest and biceps, just to irritate him. Because I know how he feels about me, despite his asinine behavior towards me.

“I can read you like a book,” I flash him another smile; his fingers tighten on my arms, pinching my soft flesh. “Let’s quit the teasing, and the toying, we're both adults here, let's see where this temptation leads us.” I lace my fingers around his neck, our faces inches apart, the only thing that worries me is that his eyes are still angry.

The slow burning in his cold blue eyes scared me, what would he do if I pushed him further, if I actually kissed him?
Would he hit me, throw me away? Or would he pull me closer smothering me with his kisses and unconditional love? I held in a snicker, Tristen show any other emotion besides anger; unlikely.

Still a girl had to try, I drew myself up onto my tip-toes, pressing my body aggressively against his, and still no change. I had my breasts pressed so tightly against him that it hurt, and what did it do to him? Nothing, cold bastard. I did notice that his arms were no longer hanging by his sides, but were wrapped around my waist, so that's a start.

“Tristen,” I purr. “What would it hurt; don't you want to kiss me?”

Why was I pressing this so hard, what did it matter if Tristen wanted me or not? I could have any one of his friends, they worshiped me, so why him?

“Want something you can't have?” he smirked, reading my thoughts.

I felt my eyes widen at his comment, how did he always manage to do that, read my thoughts, he is one sneaky bastard. I smile coyly, hoping he didn't notice how badly he startled me.

“Yea, are you going to give it to me?” I ask flaunting my womanly wiles.

Tristen dropped his head back laughing softly, it was deep and warming sending shivers all down my spine, he should laugh more often, it was a good sound.

Tristen bends down to me, the smallest of smiles playing at the corner of his mouth. My heart is all a flutter at that smile,
I can barely catch my breath, and the worst part about it, is that he knows it.

“What will I get in return?” he whispers against the shell of my ear, more shivers; damn him. I hold his smoldering gaze, my insides melting. Just one kiss, just one kiss that's all I want from those soft alluring lips.

I let out a soft moan, so much for me seducing him.

“Tristen, if you’re messing with me just to get back at me, I will hurt you so bad, you won't be able to sit down for a month.” I swear, my body humming from his touch.

He laughs again, an all knowing laugh, he knows I could never beat him, what a show that would be.

I close my eyes purse my lips, lift my chin, waiting for his kiss.

Please let him kiss me.

He whispers something in his native tongue, then his mouth is on mine faster than I could draw in a breath. The kiss was firm and aggressive, yet surprisingly tantalizing and oh so addictive, just like Tristen himself.

I was a goner.

His hands were everywhere at once, in my hair, caressing my body, all the while our mouths twisted back and forth, teeth nipping, tongues devouring, as if we couldn't get enough of the other person. His hands ran down my burning skin, exploring my curves, branding me with his touch.

“Tristen,” I called his name, my head dipping back as he ravished my neck.

“Please.” I had no idea what I was asking for, I just knew that I wanted it, needed it.

I was locked in his sinewy arms, I could feel him backing me up, to where I didn't care and I was lost in his kiss, his touch, to him in general.

“What love, what?” he whispered against my mouth. “This? Is this what you’re pleading for?” he asked amusement lacing his tone. His hands trailed underneath my lace cami, the pads of his calloused thumbs skimming my breasts just barely enough for me to catch my breath.

My knees touched the back of something firm but soft; the bed. I buckled letting out a light gasp as I slid from his arms, he caught me soon enough and set me gently on the bed, he followed distributing his weight evenly on top of me.

He was laughing I think, at my clumsiness, his supple firm mouth giving him away. I should have been appalled at him laughing at me, but all I could think about was him, I was finally seeing a different side to him, one that I thoroughly enjoyed.

The harsh, cold Tristen was no more, all that was left was this new warmer version, and I couldn't keep my hands off of him.

He brushed away my dark hair, his crystal blue eyes boring into my own darker ones. He was so open, I could read his every expression, my heart fluttered deep within my chest, this was the real Tristen, this one in my arms.

“What are you?” he asked, studying me intently. Coiling his fingers into my hair, the way he was looking at me took my breath away. It was if he was stripping me bare of anything, I longed to tell him that all he needed to do was voice one word and I would be wholly his.

“What are you?” he repeated, cupping my chin in his hand he brought my lips to his, at first the kiss was soft and pliant, offering just a taste, but once our lips met the hunger and desire could not be quenched with just mere butterfly kisses.
That's when he slipped off my shirt; his wasn't too far behind either.

Despite being beneath Tristen's warm body, Goosebumps trailed along my arms and upper torso. We were entangled in each other’s limbs, and our kissing was threatening to become something neither of us were ready for, but did that stop us; to young adults in their sexual prime, hell no.

He was murmuring in his native tongue again, I hoped it was sweet little nothings. His lips trailed from my mouth to rest at the base of my throat, my pulse quickened, Lord did that feel good. His hands roamed south cupping my thigh having it wrap around his waist, he held it there cool fingers tracing patterns on my bare leg.

I was wholly his, but was he mine?
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me




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Hello there. :)
“Do not tell me how I feel comma” he growls, pulling my small frame closer to his, as if to prove his point, a point that he is losing comma no doubt about that.

Give it up Tristen,” I goad comma running my small fingers along his chest and biceps, just to irritate him.

The slow burning in his cold blue eyes scared me Period. What would he do if I pushed him further, if I actually kissed him?

Or would he pull me closer comme smothering me with his kisses and unconditional love? I held in a snicker Period. Tristen showing any other emotion besides anger? That was unlikely.

Still comma a girl had to try period. I drew myself up onto my tip-toes, pressing my body aggressively against his, and still no change. I had my breasts pressed so tightly against him that it hurt, and what did it do to him? Nothing, cold bastard. I did notice that his arms were no longer hanging by his sides, but were wrapped around my waist, so that was a start.

“Tristen,” I purred. “What would it hurt? Don't you want to kiss me?”

Why was I pressing this so hard? What did it matter if Tristen wanted me or not? I could have any one of his friends, they worshiped me, so why him?

“Want something you can't have?” he smirked, reading my thoughts.

I felt my eyes widen at his comment, how did he always manage to do that? Read my thoughts? He is one sneaky bastard. I smile coyly, hoping he didn't notice how badly he startled me.

Yeah, are you going to give it to me?” I ask comma flaunting my womanly wiles.

Tristen dropped his head back comma laughing softly Period. it was deep and warm, comma sending shivers all down my spine Period. He should laugh more often, it was a good sound.

Tristen bends down to me, the smallest of smiles playing at the corner of his mouth. My heart is all a flutter at that smile, I can barely catch my breath, and the worst part about it, is that he knows it.

“What will I get in return?” he whispers against the shell of my ear, more shivers are taking over my body. Damn him. I hold his smoldering gaze, my insides melting. Just one kiss, just one kiss Period. That's all I want from those soft comma alluring lips.

I let out a soft moan, so much for me seducing him. Moaning because he was whispering in her ear?

“Tristen, if you’re messing with me just to get back at me, I will hurt you so bad, you won't be able to sit down for a month.” I swore Period. My body was humming from his touch.

He laughs again, an all knowing laugh Period. He knows I could never beat him Period. what a show that would be.

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips, lifting my chin and waiting for his kiss. You're writing in present tense here, when the rest of your story is in past. Be careful.

Please let him kiss me.

He whispered something in his native tongue What is his native tongue?, then his mouth is on mine faster than I could draw in a breath. The kiss was firm and aggressive, yet surprisingly tantalizing and oh so addictive, just like Tristen himself.

I was a goner.

His hands were everywhere at once, in my hair, caressing my body Period. All the while our mouths twisted back and forth, teeth nipping, tongues devouring, as if we couldn't get enough of the other person. His hands ran down my burning skin, exploring my curves, branding me with his touch.

“Tristen,” I called his name, my head dipping back as he ravished my neck.

“Please.” I had no idea what I was asking for, I just knew that I wanted it, needed it.

I was locked in his sinewy arms, I could feel him backing me up, to where I didn't care and I was lost in his kiss, his touch, to him in general.

“What love, what?” he whispered against my mouth. “This? Is this what you’re pleading for?” he asked comma amusement lacing his tone. His hands trailed underneath my lace cami, the pads of his calloused thumbs skimming my breasts just barely enough for me to catch my breath.

My knees touched the back of something firm but soft; the bed. I buckled letting out a light gasp as I slid from his arms Period. He caught me soon enough and set me gently on the bed Period. He followed comma distributing his weight evenly on top of me.

He was laughing I think, at my clumsiness, his supple firm mouth giving him away. I should have been appalled at him laughing at me, but all I could think about was him Period. I was finally seeing a different side to him, one that I thoroughly enjoyed.

The harsh, cold Tristen was no more, all that was left was this new warmer version, and I couldn't keep my hands off of him.

He brushed away my dark hair, his crystal blue eyes boring into my own comma darker ones. He was so open, I could read his every expression Period. my heart fluttered deep within my chest, this was the real Tristen, this one in my arms.

“What are you?” he asked, studying me intently. Coiling his fingers into my hair Period. the way he was looking at me took my breath away. It was if he was stripping me bare of anything, I longed to tell him that all he needed to do was voice one word and I would be wholly his.

“What are you?” he repeated, cupping my chin in his hand Period. He brought my lips to his, at first the kiss was soft and pliant, offering just a taste, but once our lips met comma the hunger and desire could not be quenched with just mere butterfly kisses.
That's when he slipped off my shirt; his wasn't too far behind either.

Despite being beneath Tristen's warm body, Goosebumps trailed along my arms and upper torso. We were entangled in each other’s limbs, and our kissing was threatening to become something neither of us were ready for comma but did that stop us? Two young adults in their sexual prime? Hell no.

He was murmuring in his native tongue again, I hoped it was sweet little nothings. His lips trailed from my mouth to rest at the base of my throat Period. My pulse quickened, Lord did that feel good. His hands roamed south cupping my thigh comma and wrapping ithaving it wrap around his waist, he held it there cool fingers tracing patterns on my bare leg.
I was wholly his, but was he mine?

This was interesting... There were a lot of punctuation mistakes, so I would recommend you read it out loud. This will help you find where you have run-on sentences, and where do you need to put comma's and periods. You have a lot of run-on sentences. I switched a lot of your commas for a period. Make sure to watch out for that next time.
Also, this is the first chapter and I feel like I don't know the characters at all. I hope these information will come later, because we, as readers, want to get to know the characters so we can relate to them.
I'm looking forward to reading more. Keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466



We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself.
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer