Sarah

Hey SilentRain, SafeHouse here to review!
Wow! This peice was so powerful. I could very clearly see that you love your little sister very much, in a beautiful but heartbreaking way. Most little nitpicks have already been picked over so I will just keep complimenting. This poem blew me away! Sure, it lacks a bit of imagery, but I am a firm believer that poems can go without it when they are this well put together and have a strong message. Keep up the good work,
~SafeHouse

NITPICKS:

I think these should be:

everything

goodbye

whenever

Just tell me if these are intentional.

Oh, this is such a lovely poem. It was very touching, my friend. Nicely done. Did you write this for your sister? It was sweet! I hope she's read this. The word choices were good; simple. The pattern was a nice choice, too! And though the rhythm was sometimes cut like in this stanza:

Times are hard
when have no choice
look deep inside yourself
I know you’ll find your voice

I didn't much mind. Though if you want to make this better (you know what they say, there's always room for improvement), I guess you'll have to pay attention to the rhythm. Because a failed rhythm here destroys your poem.

But anyway. Nicely done, my friend! I'm off to the next poem. I'm sorry for the short review. You know I have a quest to complete, and I force myself to finish it today. XD


~ Jash ♥

From a perspective of a big sister you make me want to cry, sob. This was heartbreaking. I wish I felt like that about my baby sister. I do, well I try but I could never have summoned this kind of passion and written something like this. It was so beautiful and passionate, you really expressed true heart break! Forget about boys, this is life. Your flesh with differences, that's real love. This is poem is love.

The title wasn't as pulling as the actuall poem which is a shame because it needs to be seen by the world! Always pick a title that people will pick off a bookshelf. A title is one of the most important things. Its what makes a person pick up the book. But I can't complain about anything else. This was obviously really well thought out, you are the meaning of talent friend, I'm nominating you for a badge. xD
Kaka xox
YOU touched my heart and made my day.