All the Queen's Men.

Too many problems.
To make it go away,
the closing of two eyes.
Imaginations twists and turns.
Colors blend to grey.

Pain throbs on the thought of my wake.
A silver castle, crumbles.
With every breath I take.
Nothing is left to hold back the monster.

I can't wish it away.
The clouds turn to fire, that begins to fall.
Chooses it's victums.
For one and all.

Acid rain pours thoughout the land.
The sun and moon battle for full control.
I hear screams of thousands.
Anguish, pain, hurt burns at my soul.

All the King's horses emerge from grass.
And all the Queen's men develope from soil and dust.
Off with your head!
So much for loyal and trust.

"Long live the Queen,"
You say?
What about tomorrows distruction?
So much for a beautiful day.

Hello there
I really love the idea behind this poem. It's very creative and different from what I see everyday. However, the poem itself to me seemed a little disconnected. The first stanza is very vague:

Too many problems.
To make it go away,
the closing of two eyes.
Imaginations twists and turns.
Colors blend to grey.

Although well intended, the part in bold is very weird, even though I know what you mean. Maybe it's the comma. I commend you though for making twists to your lines. As I was reading this I felt there was some great imagery, especially through the last two stanzas. Also, I could help but imagine Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland

Keep writing and good luck!

~Happy New Year

Keep writing and good luck!

Well, certainly a vague poem you've got here.

Pain throbs on the thought of my wake.
A silver castle, crumbles.
With every breath I take.
Nothing is left to hold back the monster.

I saw things like this a lot in your poem. Why are you putting periods between lines that are obviously meant for each other? It's kind of like a married couple sleeping in two different beds. It's just not right. Like I said, I saw it throughout the poem and that also messes with flow and rhythm. My advice would be to write the lines as if you were just writing a regular sentence, putting punctuation where it would regularly go.

Some of the imagery in this was nice and I liked it, but it was still confusing. I'm guessing this is about the people that help the queen? The men at arms? Well, still a vague poem that is good, but needs work as far as rhythm and flow go.

I Loved this poem! it was very whimsical, and broken like it's theme. Very nicely done, plus the title was a good attraction.

Very good, very good, a poem I thoroughly enjoyed, full of meaning and symbolism (though I'm not sure what half the things symbolize! xD). I definitely did notice the "broken" way the poem was written, and it suits the poem very well. No, this poem doesn't have any particular rhythm or flow, but that just makes it all the more abrupt and intense. Bravo! I've always loved the idea of taking nursery rhymes and elaborating on them in short stories and poems and such. =]

Keep it up!