Please read and critique! I am starved for an audience.

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The night it falls so silently sometimes
I find myself caught by surprise.
I will wake up from my slumber
To my sheets all tangled up
with my arms and legs
and thoughts and dreams
of which I have had enough,

So I make it to the window
To look out at the gray
The rain it seems is always pounding back at me these days,
The sun it never comes out
And the wind is always blowin
And for every chord thats cut my fingers
the scars they are all showin

this feeling that has taken over me
what some might call melancholy
prescribe to me some pills to eat
a shrink to see
a head to shrink
but sadness is the name I think
best describes this state of being
that I have fell into and fall into
when I am blue.

So my fingers and my elbows and my ankles and my eyes
And my lips, my tongue, my vocal chords, they will all combine
To form a living confession
Of song and sound and words
I will travel through your eyes and ears
And make the noises you have heard
And the song will be my anguish
My frustration in this rain
A way that I can maybe
Somehow hide this pain.

So maybe I could comply
With that coy look in your eye
Or the way you move your toes like they were fingers on your feet
But I dont think I can handle
One more little sideways smile
I think that I just might crack after a while
Well, you know I do have something written;
a speech I have prepared
A verse, a song that I have here
To show you how much I still fear
You and me and my own hands
The loneliness I cannot stand
And freezing water, a warped guitar
The pouring rain, a shattered heart
And handcuffed hands under the snow
I swear I’ll never let
These scars show.

So I’m waking in the morning
I fall asleep at night
I figure if I keep the routine straight
I’ll be all right.
So I’m smoking myself stupid
And I’ll drink until I’m blind
I keep on looking straight ahead
Try to put the past behind
So, lay another little girl
And when I do it I close my eyes
And I picture lots of trees, no leaves
And keep it in my mind
And when I come I get up quickly
I dress and I am gone
I’m out the door and on the street
Just moving on and on and on

So pass another brew on down the line
Smoke another one, man, we got time
Well just smile quick and make it last
You know these happy days will pass
The wheel will come around again
And you’ll be underneath, my friend

So the wisdom of my ages
These years that I have lived
On this green earth with all my friends,
These other human beings.
We walk around all day
Sometimes we’re out at night
We drink and smoke and fuck and scream
And fight
But it doesn’t make a difference
In the long run I have found
Because no matter what will happen
You still end up under ground.[/pre][/url][/pre][pre][/pre][/pre]




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Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 94
Wow, this is a wonderful poem. I like the last stanza, great ending, I love it. You should put a rating on this, it warns people.
Very good! The first two stanzas are great, and the details are superb. Great work!
*~*Shining through the dark black night...Twinkling Starz*~*




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 17
This is great!!! I love it how you described the feeling of complete and utter sorrow to such a degree. I hope to read more of your writing. Keep on going this was fantastic!



The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price