Labyrinth: A Fan poem.

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Labyrinth.

Golems ride a lonely wall
waiting for you to clatter by.
There is a silence of intention
congealing along the rock joints,
becoming a mosaic of godot
in this morning light.

There are rumours that giants
turn to children when they are
kissed, but this is not your moment,
and these men are naught but
soldiers whose orders give no leave.

Your path does not meander through
the grove of desert these golems idle
inside, but skirts the trees of a forest.
That you can’t quite see
there is something in being someone
who cannot but follow the order
of men and fate roiling at the feet
of destiny
is nothing but honesty.


AN: This is a working progress and all commentary is very appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to look at my work. Edit: This is not a Labyrinth only poem, please take it further if you wish!
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.




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Your poem is exquisite! Having just watched Labyrinth, I love it! No suggestions or corrections here, since it's all how you interpret it. Great job, again! I love your word choice- meander, skims, roiling! This has to be my favorite four lines- ~There is a silence of intention
~Congealing along the rock joints,
~Becoming a mosaic of godot
~In this morning light.

Amazing! Bravo! Brava!

Taylor
~formerly Ilovebubbles123

"There's only one thing
to do
three words
for you.
Ooh, I love you.

There's only one way
to say
those three words
that's what I'll do.
Ooh, I love you. "

For you.




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Honestly, there's not much I can say about this poem, having not seen the movie myself, so as far as whether things make sense, I can't say much. I can, however, comment on your word choice. A lot of poems I've read on here all lack word choice that makes the poem flow and not go choppy, you know what I mean? The English language is just not agreeable with poetry. It's too rough. It has to be manipulated. I believe your little fan poem does just that. Sure, it's not like it's the best poem ever or anything, but it definitely shows that you have a skill to manipulate a rough language for such an elegant art.
I'm striving to be the Architect of the Apocalypse, Master of the Massacre, Ruler of the Rapture, and the Führer of the Fatal.

"It is the tale, not he who tells it." --Stephen King

Take THAT, society!




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Thank you both for the commentary. I'm glad you enjoy the words I use, Ilovebubbles.

TheWalkinDude: I entirely disagree! Not with your comments regarding the poem itself, although I'd love to just hear why it isn't the best poem ever as while I know it isn't, to know why is interesting and helpful! What I disagree with are your sentiments on the English language. English is a language which invites nuance, subtlety and elegance in almost every word, certainly if you're a true wordsmith even the poorer words can become gorgeous. You do not give enough credit to the beauty and challenge in the English language. I mention this only because words are my only passion, I adore the sound, flavour and feel of the words I write, hear and say and to reduce them to a rough, or ugly art is a sad thing indeed.

When English is your only language, you learn easily to appreciate the complex beauty in it. Thank you for the thought provocation!
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.



cron
You'd be astonished at the intimate stories, hidden struggles, and heartfelt dreams that people are willing to reveal if only they find someone who'll truly listen.
— Arcticus