The Snowman and the Nativity

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1883
Reviews 20
A snowman paced silently to and fro a few yards in front of the stable. The snow was coming down hard and fast, coating the dirty little town in a fine white blanket and slowing the days heavy traffic to the barest trickle. Overhead the Star shone brightly through the curtain of snow.
The snowman gave a little shiver of delight. This was a night for miracles.
The woman's cries had been muffled when the snow began falling, but the snowman could still hear them if he strained his ears. So he didn't. Instead he listened to the silence and the soft murmer of falling snow.
So he missed the first plaintive cries of a newborn baby.
Lost somewhere in the realm between thought and sight, the snowman's keen black eyes stared out into the snow. He had traveled far to get to this place, farther than ever a snowman had traveled before. He had been relieved to find that there was snow in this strange country.
"Here, Reuben. The stable must be around here somewhere."
The snowman turned toward the sound as quickly as his bulk would allow. Groping through the snow were four men, shepherds judging by their clothing. The man who had spoken was leading the other two with something quite close to an air of assurance.
"I don't know how you can tell in this snow," the man called Reuben replied. After a second he added, "I wonder how the sheep are getting on."
"Sheep!" the first man exclaimed. He was younger than Reuben and his eyes were shining with excitement. "How can you talk about sheep after what we have just seen?"
Reuben grunted. "Simple Erel. If I did not think about normal things I would go mad."
Erel shook his head. "I am filled with wonder at the awesome sights we have seen, and you talk about sheep!"
Reuben did not reply. The snowman followed quietly behind the four men, aching to tell them that they were taking a very roundabout way to the stables. But he doubted that they would take advice from a snowman, and besides, he had no voice.
"Ah, here it is." Erel whispered after several minutes. His hand was flat on the low end of the stable roof, if it could be called that.
The stable was little more than a cave built out of Israel's fertile dirt. Hardly a fitting place for a k--
"Are you sure this is it?" Reuben asked.
"I'm sure."
Reuben took a deep breath. "Well, let's go then."
Erel felt his way along the roof to where the entrance had been cut. The orange light from a fire inside threw itself out on the snow but failed to penetrate its thick white curtain more than a few feet.
The snowman held his breath as they came within its small semicircle of light. The woman's cries had ceased and the only sound that now came from within was the feirce crackling of the fire. Had he missed it?
Erel stepped up to the low entrance and hesitated. The snowman couldn't get past the shepherds to see what was going on, so he stood silently and listened.
A man had come to the cave's opening. His shadow blended with Erel's to completely block off the firelight.
"May I help you?" The man asked. He spoke quietly as if he feared to break the silence.
"We-- we have come to see the child," Erel said breathlessly. "Is that alright?"
There was a moment of silence as the shepherds waited tensely.
"I don't know," the man in the stable said slowly. "My wife is sleeping and it would be best not to wake her ."
Erel's shoulders slumped. "Please, sir," he said. "We must see the child. They told us to see him."
"They?" The man repeated. "Who told you?"
Erel shook his head. "I don't know what one would call them. Beings. Heavenly beings! So great and wonderful that all of us were struck with terror."
The other shepherds nodded.
"They told us to come here, to Bethlehem." Erel continued, his voice now hushed with the wonder of what he was saying. "They told is we would find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Erel put his head in his hands and shook it. "I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. Those beings-- I don't know what to call them. They were beyond comprehension, beyond words! I-- " Erel stopped abruptly and wiped his brow with a trembling hand. "I don't know. I don't know who or what they were, but if they didn't come from heaven I don't know where they came from. But they told us to seek out the child. We must see him, we must."
There was another moment of silence, and the snowman wished desperately that he could see what was happening. Erel stood with his head bowed near the caves entrance. The other shepherds stood with their eyes locked on the face of the man in the stable.
"It's alright, Joseph," a woman's voice said weakly. Erel looked up hopefully as Joseph's shadow dissapeared.
"Mary!" The man said somewhere inside the stable. "You should be asleep."
"I can sleep another time."
After a few seconds Joseph's shadow reapeared.
"Who am I to argue with heavenly beings?" He said. "Come in."
Erel raised his eyes breifly to heaven before ducking into the stable. The other shepherds followed silently.
The snowman didn't move. He had traveled so far, waited so long. Could this be the fulfilment of all his hopes, the answer to all his prayers? This child; could he be the one for whom so many people had waited and prayed? The shephereds had seen angels telling them to come. Angels! What other child's birth would be heralded by GOD's holy messengers? No other! It had to be Him.
He rushed to the mouth of the cave, barely noticing that the snow had stopped coming down. The stench of animals assailed him, but it did nothing to take away the glory of the humble scene in front of him.
A young woman rested against a pile of hay, hands folded in her lap. A man, probably Joseph, carressed her back with one hand. In the corner a donkey slept, totally oblivious to the life in the stable, oblivious to all except it's exhaustion and the warm fire at it's feet. The fire cast a warm glow over them and the kneeling shepherds.
The snowman took all this in with one glance and then his eyes settled on the object of their worship.
The baby's chest moved slowly with his rythmic breathing. His eyes were shut tight as he slept, curled on his side in the manger. The snowman had expected to see a crown laid at his feet or a halo circling his head. But there was nothing. Just a tiny baby sleeping in a manger with dirty shepherds kneeling at his side.
But he was still the king.
"My name," Erel said, his voice hoarse as though he was weeping. "means 'I will see GOD.'" His voice broke and it was a few seconds before he continued. "Praise His Holy name, for I have seen Him."

The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising GOD for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. (Luke 2:20)
The snowman went on to-- but wait! That's another story.
~Christ's Servant


How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace;
that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation;
that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!
Isaiah 52:7




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1040
Reviews 3
To undertake retelling such well-known, ancient history is a bit of a lofty task, but you did it beautifully. I think you have real talent in writing; I felt like I was reading from a published book, haha. I love your attention to detail and the way you write your dialogue. Very realistic. The only thing I found fault with was this:

"The stable was little more than a cave built out of Israel's fertile dirt. Hardly a fitting place for a k--

"'Are you sure this is it?' Reuben asked."

The fact that the narrator's voice (which is extremely passive) got cut off by an active character's voice sort of clashed and drew my attention away from your story. Instead it just made me wonder at the two conflicting voice tenses--whatever--here. (Sorry, I really don't know which grammatical term is correct for this case, but I hope you get what I'm meaning.) It's just your narrator isn't an actual presence throughout this story; he is retelling a tale to us, the audience. Then you interrupt him by a character IN that story who is suddenly in the present tense of the past-tense story. Wow,that's confusing but I hope you get my gist. Haha. Anyway, wonderful piece!




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 914
Reviews 129
This is going to be a pretty useless comment, but I wanted to drop by and say that I absolutely loved this. I couldn't find any nitpicks (truth be told, I don't really even feel like looking for them in a piece such as this), and everything seemed in place.
Great job!
Yours truly,
|WaitingForLife|
Call me crazy; I prefer 'enjoys life while one can'.
-------
The pen's mightier than the sword - especially when it's wielded by a flipmothering dragon.
-------
◥▶◀◤



"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— Albus Dumbledore