Have Faith in Me *EDITED*

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Auhthor's Note: Hey everyone. I edited this piece and I believe I got everything people pointed out to me. I hope you like it. Please tell me if i still need to fix somethings, especially Justin's reaction. Thanks & Enjoy
I promised her that I’d meet her here, her favorite park down the street from the public library. But it’s been four years. I remember pushing her on the swing I sit on now, her auburn hair blowing in the evening wind that had followed a beautiful May Day just like today. Her laugh had carved a smile on my face. It was like hearing birds chirping outside your window on the perfect morning. In itself her laugh was perfection.

When it was time for us to go I had put my hands on her shoulders and looked into her blue-green eyes.

“Miriam,” I said. “I want to promise you something.”

“What, Justin?”

“I promise you that we’ll meet here when we’re seniors in high school if I haven’t come back by then.”

She had laughed and told me that we were in eighth grade; senior year was too far away.

And I had replied, “No it’s not. It’ll go by fast as long as you think of me.”

A deep blush had crept upon her cheeks as she nodded in agreement.
I find myself smiling at the memory.

As the day turned into twilight I grabbed my back pack and lazily slung it over my shoulder. I guess the promise hadn’t meant so much to her. While I walked the quiet streets with my head bent down I couldn’t help but think of why she had not met me. Maybe she had to stay in to study or maybe she had to babysit.

Still thinking on what had happened I decided to look her up in the Yellow Pages; hopefully she was listed. After looking through about a page of names that started with the letter P I found her, Patricia Kennedy. I took out my cell phone and carefully dialed the numbers next to the name, taking a deep breath.

“Hello, Patricia Kennedy speaking?” A woman answered after a couple of rings.

“Yes, hi, my name is Justin Taylor and I’m looking for Miriam Kennedy?” The voice on the other line said nothing so I added, “I’m an old friend. I used to go to school with her.”

After a sigh the woman replied. “What was your name again young man?”

“Justin Taylor, I used to live here. My parents and I moved away about four years ago.”

“Oh my, Justin, I remember you now.” She sounded surprised to be talking to me. “Justin, why don’t you stop by?” She proceeded to give me her address and I set off to finally see Miriam.

The house was a two story family home with a reddish brick exterior. It was pretty modern compared to the other houses in town. I walked across the crisp green lawn and up the steps to the front door. Giving three quick knocks I waited for someone to open. I was nervous. What if she didn’t remember me?

“Hello Justin.” Mrs. Kennedy said giving me a hug. She was a woman in her late forties with wrinkles around her eyes. She looked sleep deprived. With her long New England Patriots shirt on and mom jeans she looked like every other mother in this town. “Please come in.”

After giving me a glass of home made lemonade, Mrs. Kennedy sat on the beige couch in front of me.

“Justin, there’s something you need to know.” She swallowed and looked at me with sorrowed eyes.

“What is it?” I asked leaning forward in my seat.

“Miriam. . .” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Miriam isn’t here any more. She committed suicide about six months ago.” Her voice was pained.

The wind was knocked out of me that instant. Anger and confusion filled me. No, Miriam wouldn’t do that I thought angrily. Miriam wouldn’t hurt the people she loved like that. Mrs. Kennedy looked at me with a remorseful expression.

“W-why?” I managed to stammer.

“Miriam’s father passed away near the end of her freshman year. She didn’t handle it too well.” She paused. “The reason I remember you is because Miriam kept a journal. She only wrote to you, except for the first entry. She wrote to me and told me that I was not to read anything after that page because the journal was for you.

“She also told me about the promise you made to her and how if you kept your promise I was to give you the journal to keep.” Getting up Mrs. Kennedy walked across the living room toward her large Mahogany china cabinet where she took out a journal from a drawer.

“Here,” she said, holding it out for me to take, but I couldn’t. I was afraid to. “It’s all right.” Taking a hold of it I looked at the cover for a brief second. Across the top in black Sharpie were the words Have Faith in Me in cursive. Underneath that was a picture of an orange sun beginning to get covered by gray and black clouds. I’m guessing she drew it herself, I thought sadly. The journal itself was blue, the pages white.
Slowly, I opened the journal to find small message in the same cursive writing on the inside cover.

“Start from the back, read the last page first and then return to the front. – Miriam”

With shaking hands I carefully turned to the last page and found it to be a page long.

“Dear Justin,
I remember the day before you left. You know, when we were at the park? That memory has helped me through all this time. Justin, I never really told you this, but I truly did love you. It just became too much to bear. I’ll tell you everything I think you’d like to know in this journal. I’m writing this right before I go so that you will be the last thing I think about. Justin, my dad died. I’m sure my mom will tell you that. After that I lost control of my life. I lost control and started cutting into my skin. And then soon I realized this was my only way out. Justin you were the only good memory in my life. Please remember that while you cope. Just have faith in me. Have faith that I’ll love you for eternity and believe me when I tell you that I thought of you everyday until my end. I love you.
P.S- I promise I’ll never let you go during my perpetual sleep. Meet me in front of the gates of Heaven, if that’s where I go. But take your time. I love you.”


I could feel the tears on my face but I did nothing to stop them. I loved her so much. I have loved her for so long. As I closed her journal I found myself whispering, “I’ll love you forever, Miriam.”
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on" ~Robert Frost

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Hi there, Pink here!
Dropping by for a quick review.

So I didn't read this before it was edited so I'm sure how much you improved but there wasn't much to nitpick on so I know you probably did better than the first time, I'm guessing
Nonetheless, there are a few things I found. They're little, I promise ;)

Maybe she had to stay in to study or maybe she had to babysit.

>He was gone for four years, correct? I don't understand how he would know she was probably babysitting. Just a thought, correct me if I'm wrong.
Have faith that I’ll love you for eternity and believe me when I tell you that I thought of you everyday until my end. I love you.

>*every day (it's two words, I get mixed up with this too)

“Miriam isn’t here any more.

>*anymore (this is one word, lol) :)

After giving me a glass of home made lemonade,

>*homemade (also one word ;))

~~~


Overall, I enjoyed reading this piece. It was emotional and sad, *tear.
I liked the simple love between the two, how innocent and deep it was. In my opinion, that's the best kind of love there is. You got your characters along quite well, I mean everything went explained and all and it was sad finding out she committed suicide because of her father's death. I'm wondering how her life was during that time and maybe you could even make this into a novel. More about her life as she coped with the stress until her breaking point. What kind of thoughts led to her downfall. It would have been nice to read more from her journal. Anyways, you did well and I enjoyed reading this.
*like*

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
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Hi, imaginemymind, this is my first review... so forgive me because I'm not too good at it yet.

Her laugh had carved a smile on my face. It was like hearing birds chirping outside your window on the perfect morning.


The carved part sounds... kind of forced. Personally, I don't think this is the right word to use. Hmm try something like, "When she laughed, I couldn't hold back a smile." Or something.

When it was time for us to go I had put my hands on her shoulders and looked into her blue-green eyes.


The had isn't needed here. It's like an extra word, sorta like clutter... It doesn't look good.

As the day turned into twilight I grabbed my back pack and lazily slung it over my shoulder.


I don't like the first part of this sentence... It's kind of blah... Okay, I'm really bad at explaining things. Try, "As the sun sank lower..." or "As night approached..."

I guess the promise hadn’t meant so much to her.


If I read right, it was his promise, so I would change 'the promise' to 'my promise.'

While I walked the quiet streets with my head bent down I couldn’t help but think of why she had not met me.


I read this and I was momentarily confused, which made me stop to look back at the story. You began your story with a flashback, and I didn't know that it ended, so maybe put the flashback in italics?

“Hello, Patricia Kennedy speaking?” A woman answered after a couple of rings.


This kind of depends on the type of people they are, but if he is calling a private phone, most people don't answer the phone like that. I don't know anybody who answers the phone like that, but I guess it depends on your opinions and the such.

I was nervous.


Ummmm, okkaaayyy? I remember hearing something... Show, not tell. At least, I hope it was that. Ignore me if that's wrong. xD Anyway, show us that he's nervous... He should be fidgeting, or sweating a bit, or maybe shaking? Something human-like that defines him.

She looked sleep deprived.


Again with the showing, not telling thing...

“Here,” she said, holding it out for me to take, but I couldn’t. I was afraid to. “It’s all right.”


The last part ("It's all right."), I wasn't sure who was speaking... It goes from the mom, to him, and then she speaks, and it made me, the reader, pause. So, to fix this, you must clarify who is speaking. Start it as a new paragraph or something.

Underneath that was a picture of an orange sun beginning to get covered by gray and black clouds.


I don't like this at all. I've underlined the part that must be changed... This sounds like a sunset or sunrise? I don't know because I'm not sure. Is it a sun half covered in storm clouds? I wish I could help you more here, but I'm not sure what kind of image you are trying to create here.

Slowly, I opened the journal to find small message in the same cursive writing on the inside cover.


It would kill me if I had a book that I wanted to read, and I slowly open it. Okay, so not the point. The point is, I don't think 'slowly' is the right word. Hmm.. Okay, for example: Hesitantly, I opened the journal...

___

Awww, the ending was really sad. I'm not sure about the love between them being real because they were only 13 or 14 at the beginning, when he made that promise. I've read a lot of stories, and I've never seen people that young be that much in love, especially that they're love stuck, and it never faded even though they were away from each other... Plus, if they loved each other so much, I would think they would keep in touch. The more I think about it, the harder it is to believe. At least, for me it is. I can't speak for others.

Other than that, it was a good story!

Keep writing!

GoldenSkies




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Hello there. :)
I had loved her for so long.

There's still a few mistakes here, but I'm not going to say them all, because I don't really have time to go over it again.
But this is a really good story, and I kind of liked the fact that it didn't get a happy ending. Sometimes, we have to read story like this, since life isn't always 'happily ever after'. I haven't read the not- edited one, so I can't say what changes you've made that were good. But I guess that you've got it right this time. I would want a little more emotions on Justin's part though... Like what he's thinking about Miriam c omitting suicide. Or rather if he was thinking about her when he was away. Why did they move? Anyways, this is just little stuff you can do to make it better. :)

Keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
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There are mistakes yes, but frankly other people have pointed them out and I don't like repeating other people its pointless. haha. You are a good writer and I liked this story a lot, touching but you need more emotion. Also, I havent read the unedited version so I can not say if you made the right mistakes, sorry. happy holidays jenn
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn



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