Math

So, I am new here and this is my first post. So enjoy and comment!

Subtract me from you
and we get, angery and depressed
we know we belong together
and can't be apart
we might be mad in our life
but never at heart
so let's add me back with you
and we get a lot of laughs
but when I found out what you did
it's more complicated than math
so me and you are divided
because of your stupid friends
and because of your actions
this is most likely the end

Thats really cool. We've been told our whole lives were going to use math, and you just showed that in a cool way. Keep Writing!

Hey there, Flower here and I will be your reviewer for the evening. Forgive me in advance if I sound harsh, I know you are new and arn't used to the reviews here. So anyway.

Subtract me from you
and we get, angery and depressed Angry, also I don't think the comma is really needed there. I also think you need a period at the end of this line as well.
we know we belong together Capital letter if you put a period above, and also a comma after together.
and can't be apart.
We might be mad in our life This line didn't make much sense to me. It didnt really go with what you are saying above.
but never at heart.
So let's add me back with you I like this line but the line you follow it with doesn't really fit. It seems like you are trying really hard to flow and rhyme but arn't succeeding.
and we get a lot of laughs,
but when I found out what you did
it's more complicated than math This seems a bit awkward as well. I know you are sticking with the theme of math, but you need a better flow to it.
so me and you are divided
because of your stupid friends You randomly added in some friends here. You didn't really have any reason to add them because you gave no story behind it.
and because of your actions
this is most likely the end[/quote] I would have ended it with something to do with math, but the choice is yours.

I really like the idea of this. I think it's very creative to add math to poetry. You did have some errors though. I don't like how you punctuated it, and I would suggest dividing it into stanzas. I would also make it a bit longer. Add some background to why all of this happened. Why are you divided, why are you back together, what did his friends have to do with this? These questions needs to be answered.

I really do like the concept, I just think it needs a little work. If you ever need any help with anything feel free to let me know. I am always happy to help.

-Flow-

Thanks for reviewing and I understand about some of the lines not flowing as well as others. I had kind of a tough time with this poem because this is about one of my best guy friends getting into trouble and me being really angery at him, so I wasn't exactly sure how to portray all of my confused feelings into one poem, and have it flow also. But thanks for the reveiw, you weren't too harsh. This is exactly wat i was looking for.

I would like to mention I know NOTHING about poetry. I think it was pretty neat how you showed math in that way, however. Luckily, it wasn't as depressing as some I've read (BFF Shadowy's for instance...but he was kicked off his comp.)...

I liked it. I think the stanzas or whatever may have been a bit off, though. Were they supposed to end the same like in a pattern...?
No clue. Hope that helps you somehow, though...

Sakuragirl1 wrote : That's really cool. We've been told our whole lives were going to use math, and you just showed that in a cool way. Keep Writing!

I totally agree. I love the tittle! It's cool. There's some spelling error but it's already been cover. Anyway, write more.

Keep writing,

Alicia.

I love this!
I guess it shows how life can get all mixed up and crazy. Everything merges together.
That's the impression that I get, anyways xxx

Sakuragirl1 wrote:Thats really cool. We've been told our whole lives were going to use math, and you just showed that in a cool way. Keep Writing!

couldn't of said it better

Subtract me from you
and we getangry and depressed.
We know we belong together
and can't be apart,
we might be mad in our lifetime
but never at heart.
So let's add me back with you
and we get a lot of laughs,
but when I found out what you did,
it's more complicated than math.
so, me and you are divided,
because of your stupid friends,
and because of your actions.
This is most likely the end The last line here seems very weak and awkward... Try something stronger here

Great poem!!! I really love it. You are the best poet I've ever read poetry from. Really.

Keep writing,
Alzora

I love this! First poem you say? This is the best first poem EVER! I love how ADDED in the emotiones of the the narrator as well as the math terms, though, I would kinda like it if it had a bit more math terms. That's okay though! I think its definately wonderful. You are an amazing poet so keep up the amazing work!
CHOW FOR NOW,
Sionarama