I'm So Sorry

With every talk and look,
I am getting more and more in love.
I couldn’t stop my self from falling for you.
I’m so sorry.

But then you had to go shoot me down,
The pain, the pain is unbearable.
Now that we’re done.
I’m so sorry.

How I felt about you,
Was not anything I could possibly even put in words.
Why did I lie?
I’m so sorry.

You know, this would be funny
If it wasn’t happening to me.
I can’t stop these tears.
I’m sorry.

You believed in hope,
Even though I’m the one that let you go.
I know I hurt you,
I’m so sorry.

I will heal eventually,
‘Till then...
I’m so sorry.

This was so fabulous!
I really liked it! You are extremely talented, and I feel like this would make an absolutely beautiful song. Your piece really made me, as the reader, really imagine what you were going through, and it tore at my heart too. There is a vulnerable empathy about this that I absolutely love.
The only thing I would suggest for when you write again is to add a little more imagery. You have the talent and the power to produce incredibly moving and heart-wrenching writing. Try to make your pieces things people can see as well as feel.
Also, one of the reasons I loved this so much was because I could tell how you were feeling. Keep digging down into your heart when you write. Write truthfully about what happened to you, how it made you feel, and what you want to do about it. Honestly raw writing is always beautiful to read.
Please, please, please keep writing!

WOW!!!!!!! that was good! And I agree with BeckeeRenae. It would be a great song. But some really good music writer will have to put it together, because I'm not good at all that stuff. This was really good. I think it flowed.

Hello KAH,

This is really good and you should be really proud of this. I liked how throughout the poem you kept repeating the line 'I’m so sorry'. I think the whole poem was really beautiful and moving and it really shows the excellence of your writing. I love this whole piece of writing and I loved the repetition that you used as a successful language feature throughout this poem.

My favourite section of the poem was defintitely this part here,

Was not anything I could possibly even put in words.
Why did I lie?
I’m so sorry.

Simply because it told the whole poem better than any other part and it halped it make sense to me and personally it improved the whole poem lots more.

Personally I actually don't think there is really anything you can do to improve this poem as it is generally really good and I couldn't find any flaws. The only little thing I could think of was maybe making it a little longer, it sounds like it didn't really end properly, maybe it needed one last line to sum up the whole poem a little bit better. Besides that this was really excellent literacy work and I would be delighted to review any more of your literacy works.

From CuteJackRussell

This was great, I really enjoyed reading it. What would be really cool is like a follow up, where the person being apologized to has a say and talks about their feelings, whether they're angry, confused or sad, it would be very interesting. Great work!

MissMadHatter

Thanks everyone!