I had a feeling buried deep in my stomach. A weird thing I had never felt before. My stomach was clenching unexpectedly, leaving me breathless. I heard people talk about it in the past. Love, they said. But I knew better. This was not it. I knew what love felt like and it was nothing of the sort.
It had all begun when I was on my way to the blacksmith’s house. I was just passing the market fast, in order to get less attention when I saw this girl. I knew her, but did not remember her features. The only thing I knew was that I had to get to her before she left.
I was beside her in less than a second, even though I did not noticed my feet were moving. My hand seized her arm as my lips were forming a name that sounded familiar.
The young girl turned around, her eyes bulging with shock and her mouth wide open, like she was about to scream. It played all in my head, again and again. Her voice, like a sweet song a mother would sing to her newborn so he could get to sleep, the light shade of red that covered her cheeks, the brightness of her eyes when she turned around to talk to me. I knew the way to the blacksmith, but the question left my lips on its own.
In less than a minute, I could feel myself changing, relaxing from the tense stance I was permanently in. I would be in no danger with her by my side. She soon talked, asking a question that might have sound indiscreet. I did not feel like I had to hide the answer from her. She was just young and curious and she deserved a truthful answer. I did not know, however, that this innocent discussion was going to tear me right open. I was so used to people paying me respect, too scared to even talk to me. This girl was far from intimidated, though. And I might say that I was glad for this brief contact with her, for it cleared up my day.
We walked and talked, and not one second did I feel like I had to stop. My heart was hedging me forward, beside her and when I stopped talking, she continued with another question. It was easy, natural to be with her, a feeling I was experiencing rarely.
When I saw her house appearing, I turned to her and said, “Thank you, Catherine.” She smiled and did a little curtsy before disappearing inside. After that, it was just a big blur in my mind. I could barely remember asking the blacksmith to fabricate me a sword and going back home, to the castle.
Now, I was sitting in my room, waiting for someone to come and distract me. My head was hurting from thinking too much, and I desperately wanted to think about something else. What was happening to me? I talked to other women before... but I never reacted this way. She was just a poor peasant, nothing more than a servant. A girl like her shouldn’t stir up the feelings inside of me. She wasn’t worthy of my time. I was taught this, everyone repeating it constantly through my youth. But right at this moment, my head couldn’t find just what was different from her. What was separating me from less fortunate ones? I pushed the thought away.
I stood up, stepping around the bed. I smiled at myself in the mirror and saw instantly how fake it felt on my lips. All these questions swarming my head and I could not see any signs of this struggle disposed on my face.
A knock at my door made me jump.
“Yes?” I said, loud enough for the person on the other side to hear.
“Your father is asking you to join them for dinner. They are waiting for you, sir,” a woman said from the other side. A sigh escaped my lips. Not exactly what I wanted, but it would do.
When I entered the room, it was silent. My father was sitting at one end of the table and my mother at the other, leaving the two middle seats empty for me and my brother. Speaking of the devil; Collin entered the room, not paying attention to any of the servants bowing before him. They pulled out a chair and he sat down, looking far from gracious.
“How was your day, boys?” My mother asked, forcing a smile on her lips. My mother and father had a lot of fights and we were normally barely talking during the meals. But at least there was my mother, who tried to initiate the conversations.
“It was not half-bad. I Got to practice with a few men in the arena. They think it would be good if I participate in the carnival.” Collin said, looking down at the plate one of the servants had brought before him.
“Who said this? You know we only accept experienced knights to participate, and you still have one year before you are officially admitted in the company.” she said, and I felt my lips pull up into a smile. It was rare that Collin was refused something, and he was not accustomed to this.
"There is not much time before I turn fifteen," he said, frowning at my mother.
"You are not going to compete. You can gain a lot of skills in one year, and I will not risk getting you injured. Even if you are a Prince," she said that last bit firmly, indicating that their would be not arguing. Collin took a bit of his veal, looking down the whole time. After a while, he looked back up, turning to me to change the subject.
“What about you, big brother? Any new conquest?” I stopped masticating what was in my mouth. Why would he ask me that? Had he seen me with Catherine? When I locked my eyes with his, everything became clear. I was known for going from girl to girl.
“No.”
“No?” He repeated doubtfully.
“No,” I said again, but this time more firmly than before.
“I do not believe that,” Collin said, laughing.
“Very well, but you should know that you not trusting me, is a little offending.”
“Boys, please,” my mother said, a warning for my brother to stop his little comments of his, and for me to stop playing along.
The rest of the dinner was passed in silence, like always, with nothing to distract all the thoughts that were passing through my head.
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