This is what happened before Biology, the last paper of the seniors' finals.
I walked over to sit behind Tom, with my thick, dog-eared Biology textbook in hand. Like the good old days, I couldn't resist stealing a forbidden glance at him as he and our friends laughed hard at Kirby's joke. A smile played on my lips. I hoped that no one had caught the twinkle in my tunnel-black eyes.
"Hey, do we ever get to see you again?" I think it was Tasha who asked. I knew instantly that it was half-hearted, for Tasha and I had never been in good terms ever since I beat her towards the end of last year to top the class. We had several clashes, but somehow we were hypocritical enough to remain normal on the surface. Kirby, one of my closest friends in high school, knew anyway.
All eyes were on me, and the cafeteria, which had been filled with gales of cheers, genuine laughter and noisy conversations, was abruptly silent. "Uh... I guess no," I was honest and forthright with my answer. Tasha had probably been crossing her fingers for this. Good for me anyway, I'd never want to cross path with Tasha ever again. Good that God had disentangled my fate from hers.
"Really? There's no seeing Jo again?" Tom was looking at me directly. I always found it hard to concentrate on his features, for fear that I might give myself away. His look was nearly pleading, begging me not to turn on my heel and leave for good. It was impossible for my heart not to ache at the very moment. How could I refuse him?
"Yes, no seeing Jo... ever again." And I went back to my revision.
I had decided that it was best if I had a clean break, away from Tom. I'd decided on that more than a year ago, just two months after I acknowledged my feelings for him. But it'd taken me more than ten months to be able to muster up enough courage and sensibility to murder any hope between us. No one, even the least sane individual in my high school would ever expect us to end up together, much less harbor any romantic feelings towards each other. We were very good friends at times, but other times it simply felt as if he'd already told me he loved me and we were together. He'd seen it in my eyes, and I'd seen it in the hypnotic windows to his soul. Nonetheless, we were raised in two very different background, with contrasting ideologies and beliefs. He was an idealist, while I have always dealt with things pragmatically despite being a bit of a romantic. Both of our families would never accept us into their circle.
Kirby once said that I'm somehow too rational when it comes right down to romance. Love, she believed (guess she still believes), requires a certain amount of frenzy. Having been betrayed by trusted friends previously, I've long wised up. I am adamant that I should never submit myself entirely in a relationship, except when I'm with my dad, mom or Ivan because they'd never hurt me. I am sharply vigilant almost all the time. Because I couldn't bring myself to trust emotionally. I guess that's what makes me so very guarded.
"Stop building walls. Let me in," said Tom during one of the rare times when he'd let slip of himself. Intentionally or unintentionally. I was baffled when I first heard that, but I'd shrugged it off with some awkward laughs. I'd later figure out that he could never enter my world, for I'd never let him in. With any luck, I'd meet someone eligible in college with a perfect background. Let the right one in, that's the idea. With Tom, I'd learned on my own that being with someone so wrong would simply render both parties injured and unhappy.
Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream... sings A Fine Frenzy. No matter how deeply we'd loved one another, he'd always only be an almost lover I'd met during my climb to the summit. I'd long given up on this hopeless dream of mine. At times I'd miss him a little, and I think he'd miss me as well.
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For more, click on http://retropectionsandredemptions.blogspot.com/. Shall be writing more about this in near-future.
. God, I love the way you wrote it, it's beautiful.
It wasn't boring, it kept my attention the whole time! (Which is kinda hard to do. Lol) I loved the feel that I felt from the MC, a lot of high school kids could probably really relate to how she feels about this guy... One question I have though... How can she know that she loves him by looking into her eyes, when she has never really even looked at him? Shes only looked at him in quick glimpses... BUT! Anyaways... This was an amazing piece! I'd really love it if you wrote more to this! P.M. me if you ever do please?
it fits with her personality.