The Fall

So, thought I'd get into the Christmassy spirit and write a poem! Do please tell me what you think.

Snow, Snow everywhere,
Children, will you not come and share
This joyful gift of God or Nature
With friends and family who want an adventure?

Flake, Flake falling fast,
Bringing back memories of my past
Melting on eyelashes and making me sigh
Water drips to my lips, seeming to cry.

Sparkle, Sparkle as they fall,
Like dust from fairies white and small
They dance upon my skirt and shoes
And settle on the firs and yews.

Warm, Warm golden light,
Flooding through windows, a welcoming sight.
Hurrying in to a toasty warm fire
And a hot mug of coco is all I desire.

Cold, Cold frozen ice,
I run to the door and yet slip in a trice.
A horrible crack as I fall to the ground
Frozen in horror at that terrible sound.

Snow, Snow falling fast
Hiding the distant, frightening past
As my eyes start to close and the warm glowing light
Is swallowed by darkness and enclosing black night.

Hey! I'm Grin, and I shall be your reviewer for today.

Okay, I like this. It definitely has a Christmassy feel to it, and there is some lovely imagery to work with, but there are a few things that need a bit of work:

The rhyming and line length feel a little forced. This happens quite often in poetry, I've noticed, and it's a shame, because it really limits a good poem. Blank verse is usually best - don't worry about rhyme or rhythm, just put those images into words. Poetry is about expressing emotion and imagery, and it's so much easier and more effective if there's no feeling of restriction, which seems to cause a problem in most poetic cases. This way, when you have a line that doesn't quite fit, as you do with one or two lines here, it doesn't matter so much.

I'm sorry I can't say more to help! But I hope I've been helpful to some extent.
~Grin

This was a very good poem! In the last couple of stanzas it got a little depressing though(unless I am deciphering it wrong), I thought it would have a more cheerful message to it. Over all it was very nice, and the imagery was very vivid. Nice job!!
Keep writing
-Rayne

Rayneisthename wrote:This was a very good poem! In the last couple of stanzas it got a little depressing though(unless I am deciphering it wrong), I thought it would have a more cheerful message to it. Over all it was very nice, and the imagery was very vivid. Nice job!!
Keep writing

I agree