Cry "Witch!"

We are two witches
You are male and I am female
I see you as a
Lover
You see me as a witch
And that is what I am, lover
You are a witch
Women fall in love with you
And you love not one back
I lie on my back for you
And nothing comes of it
I being a woman is nothing to you
My body is nothing
My heart is nothing
I learn to hate you
I dance with you, but
I hate you
You take my hand, witch
And I hate you
The men are coming on a witch hunt
And I bet you like that
Traitor

unlike most poems I review, yours actually has a beat to it for having mismatched amounts of words and syllables, so NICE JOB!!! *gives a gold star* No more games. Anyway...

And you love not one back
I lie on my back for you

You have two occurences of the word BACK in this sentence, and it kind of throws the reader's view. Try an equivalent for the phrase, such as

and you don't return one's love.

Something like that. Don't take my advice, for I am not a POET!!! Anyway:

I learn to hate you
I dance with you, but
I hate you
You take my hand, witch
And I hate you
The men are coming on a witch hunt
And I bet you like that

This whole part doesn't work for me, and, I know this isn't very helpful... but I don't know why. Sorry if it isn't any consolation, but try reading it aloud, and see if it sounds good. Sometimes that works for me. I like it a lot, and you seem to have a knack for poem making. Keep writing.

This poem is odd. First of all the whole which things is confusing. Second first the witch likes him and then she hates him. The feeling are too mixed. It confuses the reader because I'm still not sure weather she likes him or not. You sounded like you where mad when you wrote this. PM me if you need any help or if you want me to review anything!

-KAH

Hi there! Reddy here for a review.
Okay...I have to say, I enjoyed this. It seems well thought out, and is all together quite interesting. However, there are just a few qualms I had.
First off: your rhythm. It seemed just a little out of whack, and the whole poem just didn't flow as well as it could have. In this situation, it's best to read the poem out loud to see if everything works smoothly. This is something that you should do for every single poem that you write.
Secondly, I think that you repeat some words too much. Sometimes repetition is a good thing, but in this case, you could have used some synonyms instead. "Witch" and "nothing" are the most evident in this poem, and I'm sure that you could find some more interesting words.

With a few touch ups, this poem can be great. Just work a bit more on it. I'd like to read more of your writing!


~Reddy

I don't understand exactly what this poem is about. Is he gay, and that upsets you because you love him? I did like the anger, and the conflics again I love. Same same same. I think I'm just reviewing the recurring things now, I might as well shut up haha. I've said what I think. ^^

Keeeeeeep writing!