"The World" Writing Challenge 10/10

4 posts
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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 51
(I am either too literal or too abstract; I am not sure which.)

I dreamed I found an oyster
And knew it was the world
Inside it was a pearl of worth
Because I just know
In dreams

A thing of beauty, priceless,
Locked away inside the shell
Cushioned on flesh and organs
A challenge to be solved
In dreams

I could get to the pearl
With the knife I had in hand
And could cut it free because
I always have what I need
In dreams

But what of the oyster
If it really was the world
Hard, ugly, soft, and alive
I have all the power
In dreams

But I can’t kill the oyster
To steal the pearl away
Because is not for me to take
The world is not mine even
In dreams
I reject your reality and substitute my own




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Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 18
I like your poem. I'd like to think I understand what your getting at, but I never can tell.[/b]




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 915
Your too loose with your language; something to be expected of longer poems, but, nevertheless, something to still guard against. So trim the poem up and get more precise; also, don't use the same words over and over, it gets boring.

As a final note, with this kind of piece, I think it's better to work within the dreamspace than to let the dreamspace work within you.




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 17
This is a very good description but some reason it doesn't pull me in, might be your language but the beginning line of each stanza in the versus when put together seem more poetic to me.
~+Laugh and the World Laughs With You, Weep and You Weep Alone+~



Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
— Mark Twain