So This Is Goodbye

Maybe I was the girl too shy to be loved
I held my guard up to long
You begged "Please let me in."
At night I would cry because I knew
You'd break me
From without
From within


There came a day when I said
" Yes, I believe, I'll let you in"

You came in
and saw how complicated I am
Then you just ran...

You screamed I was a freak
I was losing my mind and that nobody
I repeat nobody would ever love me again

And that is why
I keep my heart tucked safe inside
The scars show as a petty reminder of
What letting people in can do

The tears still sting my eyes
I remember, how I cried and cried
So this is goodbye?

Hey there. Love the poem. I think its very beautiful and heartfelt. Although I know practically nothing about poetry, in my opinion I think it flowed nicely. However, I found one issue. One! I may have skipped over some, but there was nothing major that I saw.
'You begged " please let me in"'
it should be 'You begged "Please let me in"'
Other than that, I loved it!

Hey MusicAndWritingSpeak! I'm Jash and I'll be reviewing your poem today. =)

NITPICKS|PAY ATTENTION

Maybe I was the girl to shy too be loved
I held my guard up too long
You begged, "Please let me in<some punctuation here>"

So in these first lines, I wasn't so sure if the to's were for style. But then you showed some typos and I was like, "I think it's unintentional." Let me know if it was not.

You'd break me from
without
within

I honestly do not understand what the "without" was for. O_o

There came a day when I said
"<no space>Yes, baby I'll let you in"

OVERALL

Hey again. So the above were corrections I feel like you should pay attention to. I know this is poetry, but there's still no excuse to confuse readers and not care about spellings and how the punctuations were placed, unless, of course, it's intentional. I will assume that those mistakes were inadvertent.

Anyway, about the poem itself, as a whole, it didn't strike me much. It's sounded a bit like prose. There was no imagery. You told me, not made it an experience for me. I felt distant to your narrator and there were confusing lines.

But keep writing! I know you'll improve in time. Just don't stop grabbing that pen and that piece of paper when you feel something tingling inside. =) Feel free to post on my wall or PM me if you have any questions regarding my comments.

~ Jash ☻♥

I like this poem it flowed quite nicely and I could tell it was very heartfelt Well done!

Alright, I did like the poem, but I have some pointers, hope they're helpful some have already been mentioned.

Maybe I was the girl to shy to be lovedTry "too"
I held my gaurd up to long Try "guard"
You begged " please let me in"No space needed between the quotation mark and the please, try capitalizing please and adding a period at the end.
At night I would cry because I knew
You'd break me from
withoutI had to read this a few times before I understood that this meant "from the outside," I don't really like the usage of without here, but if you wanted to keep it my suggestion would be to put it in the line above after from, and put another from before within so that it's clear that it's all one thought. Otherwise, it's a bit confusing.
withinTry "from within" maybe? So it makes more sense?

There came a day when I said
" Yes, baby I'll let you in"No space needed before "Yes," and though I like this line the usage of the word "baby" I feel kind of takes away the seriousness, could you use something else? Just an opinion, it flows just fine.
You came in
and saw how truly complicated I am and ranThis line is a beat too long, maybe drop the "truly" and make "and ran" "and then you ran" in another line? Just to make it flow a little better....Again personal opinion this is NOT in any way shape or form any "more right" that the way it is now
You screamed I was a freak
I was losing my mind and that nobodyAnd thought that?
I repeat nobody would ever love me again

And that is why
I keep my heart tucked safe insideI love this line
The scars show as a petty reminder of what love can do
To youBeat too short, maybe repeat the line above sort of like "What it can do to you"...?

The tears still sting my eyes
I remember, how I cried and cried
So this is goodbye?I love this stanza so much, don't change one thing, it's PERFECT

I love the revision, I think it flows better and gets the point across in a more organized manner. Great poem, great idea, great job. Don't put yourself down, you're a great writer good luck and good job with the revision.

Beautiful
I could REALLY feel, with the way you described and your writing style xx

Hey I'm China Cookie
Wow... That poem is extreamly deep but its beautiful and I guess the poem was not suppose to rhyme but it gave it a great feel and edge to it.
As I'm into this deep heartfelt poetry I can relate to it and we could learn from one another.
Regards
China Cookie