The spontaneous combustion of a city somewhere

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"You can not provoke a man with a full stomach" - A quote about Chartism

You can only put down a class
for so long until they rise up
from benath your feet.

They only are slaves for so
long before they realise that
they are not as worthless
as they had come to believe.

The harvest is good,
so they are content.
The famin is amoungst you
land, so what will you do.

They now meet,
rendezvous with plans,
to attack, to overthrow,
where as you remain oblivious.

They meet in the cities,
the hold banners high,
and march with torches burning.
It is a revoloution.

The city has flames
which coarse towards a
moonlight sky.
Sprays of orange and red
dance with passion amoungst
the rooftops.

You are afraid, petrified.
Your people no longer love you,
work for you.
Despise you is a more appropriate word.

So your city lies in ash,
what will you do now?
Your majesty.
'I have loved to the point of madness, which for me is the only true way to love'
~Francoise Sagan




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Hey there! I'll start off by going through and editing some things in red.

retrodisco666 wrote:You can only put down a class
for so long until they rise up
from beneath your feet.


I might consider changing "until" to "before."

retrodisco666 wrote:They only are slaves for so
long before they realize that
they are not as worthless
as they had come to believe.


Since the whole poem seems to be in the present tense, I might consider converting "had" from the past participle to the present, "have."

retrodisco666 wrote:The harvest is good,
so they are content.
The famine is amoungst your
land, so what will you do?

They now meet,
rendezvous with plans,
to attack, to overthrow,
whereas you remain oblivious.

They meet in the cities,
the hold banners high,
and march with torches burning.
It is a revoloution.

The city has flames
which coarse towards a
moonlight sky.
Sprays of orange and red
dance with passion amoungst
the rooftops.

You are afraid, petrified.
Your people no longer love you,
work for you.
Despise you is a more appropriate word.

So your city lies in ash,
what will you do now?
Your majesty.


I love the overall concept of the poem. It's as though you're telling us, "Don't let this happen. Don't have slaves. Treat everybody well." You walk us through exactly how the spontaneous combustion of a city somewhere would unravel, and that is much stronger than just telling us that a city somewhere will spontaneously combust. I must say, you seem to have mastered the art of showing and not telling.

My only real nitpick is the ending of the poem. You ask a question, then state, "Your majesty." Are you addressing your majesty, or are you just throwing that in there? If you're addressing your majesty, I might format it like this ...

So your city lies in ash,
what will you do now,
your majesty?"


This way, "your majesty" seems more like a part of a question than a command or a random statement.

I hope this helps! Keep writing!



Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.
— Leonardo da Vinci