What happens with love

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1510
Reviews 37
I've fought with love
More times than I'd liked
I don't want it to happen
But when love strikes
There's a burning sensation
That comes from within
It envolopes me
And it breaks through my skin
It brainwashes me
And it makes me do things
That I'd rather not do
But it's got my strings
Love isn't evil
But it's more bad than good
And it takes over you
Like you knew that it would
Last edited by smashles on Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
We all have moments of desperation, but if we face them head on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are. - Mary-Alice Young, Desperate Housewives




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1111
Reviews 7
:) i like it. Well done. I think it would be more powerfull if you stated that it was a struggle. Something that cant be helped. For example maybe instead of "I've fought for love" you could have "I've fought with love". Thats just the impression i got from it. Nice work !




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9100
Reviews 319
I wasn't just sure about the line where there was "somes"; I googled and none came up. So you should probably tell me what it is. LOL Anyway, good job. It was nice.
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen:
not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”


—C.S. LEWIS


My SPOTIFY page
Facebook
Got a life?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1510
Reviews 37
Oops thanks for that it was supposed to be comes :) thanks for pointing that out for me.
We all have moments of desperation, but if we face them head on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are. - Mary-Alice Young, Desperate Housewives




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 22
Hey there and Hi there, this is Mysty. I really like this poem and the intents you've portrayed through it - very well written in my opinion. =)
I don't know if you enjoy writing free verse poetry without punctuation, but I think this poem would flow much nicer with said punctuation in it. Just a suggestion!! ^_^
Also the second line, 'More times than I'd liked' is a double negative. I can't think of a suggestion for alternative wording, but perhaps it's something to dwell on. Double negatives are sometimes useful, but most of the time befuddling.

Good job and keep up the good writing! =D
Mysty.
'Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia' - E.L. Doctorow.



One by one they went / And, though each laughed as he returned to earth / Their souls were in their eyes.
— Alfred Noyes (Watchers of the Sky)