And I've never been more alive

This is about a hard time I went through a while ago. This is one of the first times I've written about it and I'm eager to see how it sounds. Review please!:)

I am thirteen years old
Standing at a party laughing with other kids
I am drinking my drink and laughing my laugh
I need no medicine, I need no help
And I’ve been so alive
Fast forward one month
I am only with three people now, no longer in a crowd
I am drinking my drink and swallowing my pills
The pills that I know will no longer help
And slowly I’m dying inside
Fast forward one month
I am sitting with one person; it’s so silent between us I’ve almost forgotten he was there
I am drinking my drink and trying to hide in my books
The book that I know will no longer give me an escape
And my death is quickening now
Fast forward one month
I am sitting in a doctor’s office with my family
I am drinking my drink and listening to him speak
“We caught it very fast, it’s fixable.”
And my mind is screaming “What about my heart can you fix that too?”
Fast forward two weeks
I am sitting in school
I am drinking my drink and my teacher is explaining what’s happening to me to my class
I close my eyes and hope to disappear, hope that maybe they’ll stop staring
And I run out of the room with tears in my eyes
Fast forward two weeks
I am lying on an operating table waiting for the anesthesia to kick in
I’m not drinking my drink and they can’t stick me right
I close my eyes and wait
And I’m dead but still alive
Fast forward a month I am lying in bed at home
I am drinking my drink and flicking around on the TV
Only a few come to see me, the other kids don’t bother
And I’m wondering what happened to my friends from the party so long ago
Fast forward two years
I am walking off the ice, a bright smile on my face
I am drinking my drink and I am surrounded by friends
Some know some do not, yet I know it wouldn’t make a difference
Because I am fifteen years old and I have won
And I’ve never been so alive

Hello there
Since you are relatively new to YWS, welcome!

I found this post all lonely and unanswered and it just pulled me in.
Anyway, back to the review. I loved this poem. I will be honest, I was a bit sceptical at first because there was no set structure, there are long phrases and then short ones. I'll tell you why it finally popped out to me. That line that goes, "I'm drinking my drink and...", was outstanding. It set a certain special kind of tone to the poem, nice touch. Then there is the emotion, the poem is full of it. I can understand. This is very good, keep it up.

Hello There.

Teamdelware, this was AMAZING!! You could really feel the emotion and it kept me hooked on the whole time. The only thing I would maybe change is everytime you say Fast forward one month, maybe add a new stanza, but that is entirely up to you. Once again awesome poem.

-lilgreendots <3

Hello Teamdelware,
I have only a few comments to give here, so I'll make it quick. The beginning: there didn't seem to be any organization and that took away some of the power that your poem otherwise had. You seemed to settle in towards the middle and from then on the sheer emotion your poem is not detracted from any more.
The one line I particularly enjoyed was the "I'm drinking my drink and....". The repetition made the line even more prominent, beyond the well-written characteristic of it. On the other hand, the transition lines of "Fast-forward" did not seem, to me, to flow well. Other than that, well done! And no matter what you do, don't stop writing.

~TheManintheHat

It's sadly amusing to me how this poem has gotten enough likes to make it a featured work, yet only three people (well, four now!) have reviewed it. I'm not going to waste time nitpicking this poem, because really there's not much to nitpick. It's a great piece and develops a very vivid character in a short space. I like the progression, how things go from bad to worse and then finally get better again. That the story goes to some very dark places yet still ends on a hopeful note is very appealing, and well documented. Punctuation is a tad lacking in some places. Now, I'm not usually a prude about punctuation in poetry, but as you have it some places, for the sake of consistency you should have it throughout. I never quite figured out what exactly the disease or injury was that required operation. Perhaps you didn't intend for us to? In any case, this is a great poem. I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your work!

~Warrior Princess