Never Done Dancing

Spoiler

I'm not a very good poet, but I get strange blurts at night and I have to write a poem.

Every step makes
the drums beat faster.

every step keeps on
strengthening my call.

I leap high, the impossible
rhythm, my master

When I am twirling,
I shall never fall

rocking back and forth,
each a step away you, to you,

Almost touching my nose
to the floor,

I come up, my hands raised
to the sky I'll be able to reach so soon.

Jumping to the sky, ignoring
muscles, aching, so sore,

We'll waltz and tango
until we die,

Never stop dancing,
you and I.


Is it better blue?
Thanks for reading!!!

Hi, Dragon.

DragonWriterFanatic wrote:

Spoiler

I'm not a very good poet, but I get strange blurts at night and I have to write a poem.

Just to let you know,I've read you're poetry, and I think you're good.

Every step makes
the drums beat faster.

every step keeps on
strengthening my call.

I leap high, the cold
winds my patient master I'm not sure I understood what you meant by the wind being your patient master. Also, you may want to place a comma between winds and my, so people know you refering to the wind.

When I am twirling,
I shall never fall

We'll tap and tango Those two words didn't sound right together.
until we die,

Never stop dancing,
you and I. Loved the ending! Great job, Dragon. :D

Thanks for reading!!!

Overall: I liked this poem. Even though you say you don't write poetry that much, I still believe your poems are good. There are just two things I'd like to suggest. One: Fix the flow a little. The flow of this poem wasn't bad, but it seemed a little off. But don't stress; flow is one of the hardest things about writing poetry. The best advice I can offer is to watch your syallables and wording can affect the flow. And two: maybe consider adding on to this poem. Even though this poem is good, is still felt a little lacking. I suggest adding more descriptions, imagery, and emotions. Make the poem a personal reading experience for the reader. Okay now that all the nitpicks are covered, don't let this review discourage you; I'm just trying to help. Just remeber you're still a good poet, and I believe you're much better than me. But anyway, as you say, this is really tight stitch work. With a little tweaking, your poem will really shine. Hope I helped and keep writing~Blue.

"Never Done Dancing" I believe it is an amazing title. I like in the story how you say that the character's nose almost touches the floor that is an amazing part. When you say that they will tango it sounds cute, which is a good thing. I do believe I will have to agree with Bluewaterlily. Why? I believe the poem is good, yes but it is also lacking. I think it could have been written with a little more thought. Why is the character dancing? How long have they been dancing? Why are they dancing toward someone else? Where are they? Things like this make the reader create in their mind the words you have put on the page.

Good Jon and have a good day!

-Soggy

Hello! This is nice. You depicted the dancer well and thoughtfully. I liked how you broke up the sentences. It made it easier to read.I feel that it lacked in areas such as character development. Where are they dancing? How long have they been? Are they a couple? Added items like those are handy and let the reader feel more intouch with the work they are reading. By the way, I like to title as well. Good job.
~Ballerina

It’s a terrific delineation of the pleasures of dancing. The title is a pretty good grabber (personal experience).

he MilkandCookies! I'm here to review!


Every step makes
the drums beat faster.
why? make this more explanatory
every step keeps on
strengthening my call. REPLACE
this part is good. But the call part is not.

I leap high, the impossible
rhythm,
impossible rhythm?
my master

*thumbs up*

When I am twirling,
I shall never fall
*thumbs up*

rocking back and forth,
each a step away you, to you,
?????

Almost touching my nose
to the floor,

I come up, my hands raised
to the sky I'll be able to reach so soon.

Jumping to the sky, ignoring
muscles, aching, so sore,

We'll waltz and tango
until we die,

Never stop dancing,
you and I.
Overall:

this poem is good, but lacks detail. I am a dancer and can tottally relate to this.

Grammar:
you have some word mix-ups for example:

rocking back and forth,
each a step away you, to you,

is that how it's supposed to be?


hope it helps
~pointe