A Second Can Change Everything.

It took one second. Just one tiny second. Then blank.
My life was ruined.
Tears, salty tears ran down my dry pale face.

“No,” I spit out.

He looked at me, eyes filled with tears as well.

“I love you.” He lied through those perfect teeth.

I stood in the Drama classroom which was dark and eerie.
No one was here. It was five o‘clock and I came by to grab my script to learn. Mrs. Umber wanted me to come by for it, but when I got here, something horrible blasted in my sight.

“No you don’t you asshole.” I hissed with relief.

He ran his hand down his face.
Those blonde bangs, that I used to touch, were messed up at the top of his head.
I scanned the stage for anything.
The red curtains shaped the width of it. On the black stage was a small packet.
Red headed Chelsea scurried off the stage, with her top against her chest.

“No Hayley, you don’t understand.” He tried to explain with a nervous tone in his voice.

The packet was a…a…condom.
Wow.
I never expected that from him. And to do it here? Well, he is seventeen… but still. Gross, I act on that very flooring.

“Yes I do, you’d rather love that skank then me, the weirdo. Right?” I said angrily.

I felt my teeth clenching.
He took a step toward me and tried to touch my arm. I slapped it away.
He looked like he just lost a basketball game.

“No, Hayley…” I cut off his bloody words.

“Fuck off, you broke me down and you’ll never fix me again.” I screamed.

He stared at me as if I were a title wave about to knock him down and drown him.
My body temperature was heating up by the very second as I ran down the hard wood flooring and rammed the door open.
Once it closed I slid down and let my tears free.
No, I wasn’t gonna be that girl.
That girl that gives up.
That girl that’s weak.
That girl that doesn’t live on.
No, that’s not me.
I lifted my own body up and wiped my eyes.
No lights were on; it was pitch black down this red hallway by day.
I sniffled and walked ahead.

Hi there!
It's late here, so I'll be very brief!
Your descriptions and the conveying of emotions are great, so keep up the good work!
The only advice I can try to offer, is to make the scene/story more original, because we've got a whole lot of cheating boyfriends and girls who hurt first then walk off with their dignity intact, etc.
It'll make your work stand out that much more

~Meep(:

Hi, I liked it overall, but I thought the emotions could have been stronger. How? Make it much, much slower; and describe more in detail. You could also use some more imagery in your description to make it stronger and more powerful.

The other thing I would suggest is not to have so many one line paragraphs because this makes the pace very very fast. I understand how writing can be much slower than reading, so it's very easy to think that you are being much more gradual and deatiled than you really are, so take a look at that point.

Finally, add a lot more background detail to your story because at the moment all we know is that the narrator does drama and goes to school with the boy who cheated on her and the girl he cheated with who apparently is weird. This is a very basic situation and you could make it much more original and interesting. Add a few twists!

Hope this helps