Moving Forward

(Hey I'm a new member and this is my first post on this site :])

I don’t know what to do.
I feel like you're kicking me out and letting me in.
And my minds aching just thinking about it.
These feelings inside me are all jumbled up,
And I’m not sure which ones to let out.

I’ve been left by the door,
But it’s up to me to decide wether to exit.
Everything is up to me.
But it seems that deciding is too complicated,
And these feelings are too strong.
So should I start to inch towards the door?
Or should I glue my feet to the ground?

I’m stuck at a fork in the road.
I can go left or right,
But this is the problem,
All I want to do is go forward.
I want to move on for once in my life.
But then something, a feeling from deep inside
Pulls me back, and I don’t know which road to take.
So which way do I turn?

I don’t know what to do.
All I know is that I have a decision to face.
Why can’t problems just sort themselves out?

TwistInMyStory wrote:(Hey I'm a new member and this is my first post on this site :])

I don’t know what to do.
I feel like your kicking me out and letting me in.
And my minds blowing up just thinking about it.Your minds blowing up? Hmm try something else, a more descriptive word
These feelings inside me are all jumbled up,
And I’m not sure which ones to let out.I love this line.

I’ve been left by the door,
But it’s up to me to decide weather to exit or not.Dont put "or not" Just leave it at exit.
Everything is up to me.
But it seems that deciding is too complicated,
And these feelings are too strong.
So should I start to inch towards the door?
Or should I glue my feet to the ground?

I’m stuck at a fork in the road.
I can go left or right,
But this is the problem,
All I want to do is go forward.
I want to move on for once in my life.
But then something, some feeling from deep insidereplace "some" with "a"
Pulls me back, and I don’t know which road is the right one.dont use "the right one" It makes it awkward
So which way do I turn?

I don’t know what to do.
All I know is that I have a decision to face.
Why can’t problems just sort themselves out?

I like your ending(:. I like your poem, I can tell you poured your heart out in this, and it takes alot for a real poet to do that. I dont think the poem is bad, but I do think you should read over it and make some of the lines not so awkward. I love the message your sending. And pshh I wish I knew why problems couldnt sort themselves out.. Things would be a hell of a lot easier huh?(:

Thanks for the amazing review!
I know life would be sooo much easier!

Hey. I'm Nixie. Welcome on the site. YAY first work! I shall review.

TwistInMyStory wrote:(Hey I'm a new member and this is my first post on this site :])

I don’t know what to do. Just a really bland opening line. You should really try to have something better than that line to grip the reader at the beginning.
I feel like your kicking me out and letting me in. your should be you're--> you are
And my minds aching just thinking about it.minds should be mind's or mind is, I don't think you have multiple minds
These feelings inside me are all jumbled up,
And I’m not sure which ones to let out.

First stanza sounds like a rant. You know, I'd listen to a friend talk like this but it doesn't work for poetry. Try stronger imagery. It's all things you feel but you have to let the reader feel it too. You say that your mind is aching, how do you show it to the reader? How do you make us feel your pain too?

I’ve been left by the door,
But it’s up to me to decide weather to exit. weather should be wether
Everything is up to me.
But it seems that deciding is too complicated,
And these feelings are too strong.
So should I start to inch towards the door?
Or should I glue my feet to the ground?

When people give me reviews on the site they always talk about the importance of showing and not just telling. You're telling us everything here. Take the stanza above for example. In essence it reminds me of Robert Frost's The Road not Taken. Decisions, decisions. But Frost has really strong imagery that show how difficult it is to decide, you on the other hand tell us that "it seems that deciding is too complicated"

I’m stuck at a fork in the road.
I can go left or right, This line is irrelevant. We get it you're on a fork in the road, of course you can go left or right. Why not just scrap this and talk about how you refuse to take the path made by the world, as you seem to imply in the succeeding lines.
But this is the problem,
All I want to do is go forward.
I want to move on for once in my life.
But then something, a feeling from deep inside
Pulls me back, and I don’t know which road to take.
So which way do I turn?

I don’t know what to do.
All I know is that I have a decision to face.
Why can’t problems just sort themselves out?

You just really need to watch out for grammatical mistakes. It really pays. Not just in your literary works but in all other papers as well. It'll also really help to read more poetry. And also learn to look for metaphors in every day things. Look for the poetry on desks and chairs and trees and roads. Use it on your poetry. It just lacks stronger imagery. You do have some but it's all very hackneyed. Like 'forks in the road'. Anyway, I hope I made some sense.

Smile,
Nixie

Greetings I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer. I wish I could enjoy these so popular 'woe is me' poems, but fate decreed instead I despise them with a vehement hatred built on fires of hell. See what they usually lack is what allows readers into a poem. That is of course imagery composed of many beautiful literacy techniques, without these, your poem reads much like anything online about same thing and similar loose themes.

Let me explain what you have here is essentially a poem that tells us everything, poems like rarely if ever allow people in to radiate in the sadness, happiness, joy and excitement you try conceive, because of this they fall apart on get go as the readers become disinterested and even the most heartbreaking situation written as such bores the socks, off the people you are counting to enjoy.

As is apparent now your poems fails to grip the readers so therefore they just plod along looking at far more interesting things online, wishing said piece would end and they could move on to something else. Tragic situations don't have to be cliché, they can beautifully captured in stunning imagery and excellent themes. You should consider reading some of the greats and notice how many are depressed but all say in various ways that please the mind. It's often they even capture suicide in such a way English tutors go berserk over it and wish to do long classes exclaiming how so and so is amazing.

Overall: You need to remember that you can't just tell us something, the real technique is showing us, really capturing our imagination in such a way that many of us are put beyond words and praise with much enthusiasm, until then though they're grow bored of the message and just no doubt give up the review.

Hope this helps.

Hey Story!

I like this poem. I think as a writer of poetry you've still got a fair bit to learn, but that's why this site is so great!

Some of the lines made me a little dizzy though, like the various directions which I had to read over twice to follow them. I guess that's a good thing considering the theme of the poem.

One of the hardest things to do though is to put emotion into poetry, that's something that a lot of people struggle with for years. If you can keep putting this much emotion and, I think, honesty, would be the word, into your work, you've got great potential. I look forward to reading more work from you.

Keep it up!

Great Job! For your first post this is pretty good. Welcome! I like the ending. Good Emotion. I liked it, and it was worth reading! If you ever need help around the site, let me know!

Great Poem! I love it!

Thanks!
~~Ktg

How long have you been writing poems?

Your poem it a bit typical. You should expanding your horizons. For example, next time try writing from another person perspective. It may help keep people interested, and you do not even have to write from a PERSONS perspective. You can try all sorts of things. I recently tried writing from the perspective of a weeping willow. =p Keep life interesting.