Life's Surprises

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Sorry if this is short, I accedintley submitted it before it was finished, the next chp. will be out soon.


"Sure, tonight sounds great." I said with a wink and a flip of my blond hair.
"Great, I'll see you at seven then." He said smiling. He walked away from me and rustled his dark brown hair. "Yeah, great." I whispered to myself. I felt something poke my back and turned to see my best friend Becca hovering over me.
"So? Give me the details!" She said smiling. Her long brown hair cascaded down her back, enhancing her eyes. They sparkled with excitement. "You finally get to go out with the hottie!"
"Yeah, I guess that it's pretty cool." I said frowning, I bit my lip nervously. "It's just that, oh never mind."
"What? You aren't excited?" She asked my confused.
"No, he just feels like another stupid boy I've dated for the past four years, he's not special. It's like there's a hole in my heart, waiting to be filled by some guy I haven't met yet. It's kind of weird." I said closing my locker door roughly. "You know what I mean?"
"Um, sure I guess so, I mean I've felt like theres a hole in my heart ever since my dad passed away, so I guess it's the same." She said twirling her hair nervously. She had always hated talking about her family ever since her dad had died.
"Oh well, but you know what, you're going to come home with me and help me get ready and I'm going to have an awesome time. And maybe if things don't work out, I'll get you two paired together in no time." I said walking towards the school exit.
"You really think he'd like me?" Becca squeaked coming up behind me.
"Of course he would, who wouldn't?" I said pushing the heavy door open just as tons of students swarmed around us.
"You know what, you're right. Let' s go." Becca said. I pushed the car unlock button and climbed into the drivers seat. Becca slid in next to me. I put the key in the ignition and began to roll up my window when I saw him.
"B-becca, who's that?" I studdered peering out my window at some hunk who had just passed by.
"Oh him, that's Alec. Him and his brother just started this morning, his brother's name is Jake." Becca said casually setting her stuff on the floor of the car. "Why do you care Ash?"
"Oh no reason." I barked stepping on the petal. I drove slowly out of the parking lot with my eyes on the road and my mind on the boy. Woah. I thought to myself. I know him from somewhere, if I could only remember.
Two turns to left, straight for about a mile, one more turn to left and then to the right, and home. My mind clicked in the directions and I drove steadily. I pulled onto my street and into my driveway and then out of the car. "Becca, are you sure I should be going on this date?"
"Of course! Only an idiot would say no." Becca laughed patting me on the back. I stuck the key in the keyhole and we walked inside. I flicked on the lights and threw my stuff down on the kitchen table. I raced up the stairs to my room and walked inside.
"Hey Becca, what should I wear?" I asked going through the clothes in my closet. i heard a lud thud and a distant scream and Becca ran into my room.
"My back! Please help me!" She screamed running in. "Please help."
"Ok, I'll get the first aid kit." I said running into the bathroom digging through all the drawers. "What's wrong anyways?"
"Something is growing out of my back. It's breaking skin." I raced into the room to find her breathing heavily with her eyes closed. "Come on, I'm going to call you parents to come and get you." I picked up my phone and dialed the numbers I knew by heart and her parents were there minutes later. After Becca left I slid into my favorite mini dress and combed out my hair. I peered in the mirror and brushed through my hair one last time just as the doorbell rang.
"Hey, you ready?" Cody asked examing me.
"Yea, hold on." I grabbed my coat from the closet and walked outside locking the door behind me. I walked steadily to his car and climbed inside. My throat felt dry and I could barely talk. "So where are we going?"
"Some new restaraunt that just opened up, I hear it's great."
"Cool." I said with a cracked voice. I looked at the window at the glistening city lights as he pulled into a small parking lot. I climbed from the car a slammed the door shut. When we walked inside we were hit with bright lights and an aroma of bread and pasta. I followed him and waited patiently as we were seated to a table.
"What can I get you two today?"The waitress asked smiling politely.
"Um, I'll have the pasta salad." I said quietly glancing at Cody's neck. I licked my lips.
"I'll have the steak."
Handing the waitress our menus, she shuffled off to the kitchen. "So, it's a nice restaraunt huh?" Cody said snapping my attention.
"Um, yeah." I said Look into his eyes, not his neck. I told myself strictly. My eyes creeped to his and I managed a weak smile. But my gaze slipped back to hius neck. "Um, listen, I don't feel well."
"Thats ok." He said. I flicked my tongue over my teeth but instead of feeling their normal dull surface, my tongue was pircked by sharp fangs. Blood slowly began to ooze from my tongue and I swallowed it slowly. Cody reached towards his neck but I was faster. I grabbed him and exsposed his neck, sinking my fangs into it and letting the warm blood flow. The restaraunt around us was in chaos as people tried to escape from the building. Cody screamed but I shushed him. What am I doing? This isn't human. I thought silently. But the dryness to my mouth was filled and my stomach was no longer an empty void. "No!" I screamed. I dropped his limp body to the ground and ran from the building and into the streets. I raced in the direction of my house, the way clicked into my mind. I know what I am, I'm a vamp-
*******
I sprang from my sleep in a cold sweat. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I climbed out of bed and walked into my bathroom. I peered into the mirror and screamed. There was a ring of red around my lips and my canines were stained the color of blood. I fell to floor as everything I had once known swirled around me. This is definatly on of life's surprises. I thought as everything went black.




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Hi! I'm here for just a second cause I gotta run. But, I love the idea. The beggining I don't like. I don't know who's he or she and the situation is out of place. Please tell me that this isn't the beggining of your book? The idea is great. More description --fill the plot. And start from something else and add this later, becuase it's confusing.
Keep Writing!
PM me!
Nike :)
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 955
Reviews 36




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6431
Reviews 155
Cassie9960 wrote:Sorry if this is short, I accedintley submitted it before it was finished, the next chp. will be out soon.


"Sure, tonight sounds great.comma not period" I saidcomma with a wink and a flip of my blond hair.
"Great, I'll see you at seven then.comma not period" He saidcommasmiling. He walked away from me and rustled his dark brown hair. "Yeah, great.comma not period" I whispered to myself. I felt something poke my back commaand turned to see my best friend Becca hovering over me.
"So? Give me the details!" She said commasmiling. Her long brown hair cascaded down her back, enhancing her eyes. They sparkled with excitement. "You finally get to go out with the hottie!"
"Yeah, I guess that it's pretty cool.comma not period" I said commafrowning, I bit my lip nervously. "It's just that, oh never mind."
"What? You aren't excited?" She askedcomma, maybe just confused not my confused? my confused.
"No, he just feels like another stupid boy I've dated for the past four years, he's not special. It's like there's a hole in my heart, waiting to be filled by some guy I haven't met yet. It's kind of weird.comma not period" I saidcomma closing my locker door roughly. "You know what I mean?"
"Um, sure I guess so, I mean I've felt like theres a hole in my heart ever since my dad passed away, so I guess it's the same." She saidcomma twirling her hair nervously. She had always hated talking about her familycomma ever since her dad had died.
"Oh well, but you know what, you're going to come home with me and help me get ready and I'm going to have an awesome time. And maybe if things don't work out, I'll get you two paired together in no time. comma not period" I said commawalking towards the school exit.
"You really think he'd like me?" Becca squeaked commacoming up behind me.
"Of course he would, who wouldn't?" I saidcomma pushing the heavy door open just as tons of students swarmed around us.
"You know what, you're right. Let' s go." Becca said. I pushed the car unlock button comma and climbed into the drivers seat. Becca slid in next to me. I put the key in the ignition and began to roll up my window when I saw him.
"B-becca, who's that?" I studdered comma peering out my window at some hunk who had just passed by.
"Oh him, that's Alec. Him and his brother just started this morning, his brother's name is Jake.comma not period" Becca saidcomma casually setting her stuff on the floor of the car. "Why do you care Ash?"
"Oh no reason.comma not period" I barked commastepping on the petal. I drove slowly out of the parking lot with my eyes on the road and my mind on the boy. Woah. I thought to myself. I know him from somewhere, if I could only remember.
Two turns to left, straight for about a mile, one more turn to left and then to the right, and home. My mind clicked in the directions and I drove steadily. I pulled onto my street and into my driveway and then out of the car. "Becca, are you sure I should be going on this date?"
"Of course! Only an idiot would say no.comma not period" Becca laughed commapatting me on the back. I stuck the key in the keyhole and we walked inside. I flicked on the lights and threw my stuff down on the kitchen table. I raced up the stairs to my room and walked inside.
"Hey Becca, what should I wear?" I asked comma going through the clothes in my closet. i I not iheard a lud thud and a distant scream and Becca ran into my room.
"My back! Please help me!" She screamed running in. "Please help."
"Ok, I'll get the first aid kit." I said commarunning into the bathroom digging through all the drawers. "What's wrong anyways?"
"Something is growing out of my back. what the heck grows out of your back? are they like magical?It's breaking skin." I raced into the room to find her breathing heavily with her eyes closed. "Come on, I'm going to call you parents to come and get you." I picked up my phone and dialed the numbers I knew by heart and her parents were there minutes later. After Becca leftcomma I slid into my favorite mini dress and combed out my hair. I peered in the mirror and brushed through my hair one last time just as the doorbell rang.
"Hey, you ready?" Cody askedcomma examing examiningme.
"Yea, hold on.commma not period" I grabbed my coat from the closetcomma and walked outside locking the door behind me. I walked steadily to his car and climbed inside. My throat felt dry and I could barely talk. "So where are we going?"
"Some new restaraunt that just opened up, I hear it's great."
"Cool.comma not period" I saidcomma with a cracked voice. I looked at the window at the glistening city lights as he pulled into a small parking lot. I climbed from the car a slammed the door shut. When we walked inside we were hit with bright lights and an aroma of bread and pasta. I followed him and waited patiently as we were seated to a table.
"What can I get you two today?"The waitress asked commasmiling politely.
"Um, I'll have the pasta salad.comma not period" I said commaquietly glancing at Cody's neck. I licked my lips.
"I'll have the steak."
Handing the waitress our menus, she shuffled off to the kitchen. "So, it's a nice restaraunt huh?" Cody saidcoma snapping my attention.
"Um, yeah.comma not period" I said comma Look into his eyes, not his neck. I told myselfcommastrictly. My eyes creeped to his and I managed a weak smile. But my gaze slipped back to hius neck. "Um, listen, I don't feel well."
"Thats ok.comma not period" He said. I flicked my tongue over my teeth but instead of feeling their normal dull surface, my tongue was pircked by sharp fangs. Blood slowly began to ooze from my tongue and I swallowed it slowly. Cody reached towards his neck but I was faster. I grabbed him and exsposed his neck, sinking my fangs into it and letting the warm blood flow. The restaraunt around us was in chaos as people tried to escape from the building. Cody screamed but I shushed him. What am I doing? This isn't human. I thought silently. But the dryness to my mouth was filled and my stomach was no longer an empty void. "No!" I screamed. I dropped his limp body to the ground and ran from the building and into the streets. I raced in the direction of my house, the way clicked into my mind. I know what I am, I'm a vamp-
*******
I sprang from my sleep in a cold sweat. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I climbed out of bed and walked into my bathroom. I peered into the mirror and screamed. There was a ring of red around my lips and my canines were stained the color of blood. I fell to floor as everything I had once known swirled around me. This is definatly on of life's surprises. I thought as everything went black.

Overall
I'm confused. One, if my friend was screaming something was growing out of her back and her parents took her home I know I couldn't go on a date with a guy that minute, I would be worried about her and cancel the date, but thats just me. Also, like just suddenly her fangs start growing? I think you need to lead up to it. LIke I wasnt feeling my usual self I wasn't hungry and when I bit my lip I enjoyed the blood etc. Not just out of the blue. Also, there were lots of mechanical errors that I saw but you might not agree with them, thats ok:) they may not be right. lots of love and PM me when you post the next chapter
Jenn
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn



Patience is the strength of the weak, impatience is the weakness of the strong.
— Immanuel Kant, Philosopher