Moonlight

Moonlight

Moonlight flittered down
through the leaves
and onto the forest floor
lighting up the trees
with its soft and silver glow

Dancing round a faerie ring
were many strange and beautiful folk
with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of things
threaded through their hair

They danced and laughed
and sang even as they fell
dancing round that faerie ring
in the middle of a forest
at night with the moon
and her beautiful silver glow

Hey Scar *waves*

Moonlight flittered down
through the leaves
and onto the forest floor
ligthing Lighting up the trees
with its soft and silver glow

I don't know but I feel as though flittered is a bit awkward in the first line, change it up a bit because it reads weird. Except from that the first stanza is a pretty good read. I like the imagery in it.

Dancing round a faerie ring
were many strange and beautiful folk
with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of thing
threaded throug through their hair

The 'and all sorts of things' line really just kills the flow. Change up that line a bit.

I liked this, very good imagery and it has an out of this world feel to it. There were a few hitches in it that I think you could correct.

Hi ScarlettFire! I love this poem!

ScarlettFire wrote:Moonlight flittered down

Do you mean "fluttered," perhaps? Or maybe "flitted"? "Flittered" isn't a word -- but then again, in poetry, you can feel free to make up words. Just look at Lewis Carrol:

Lewis Carrol's Jabberwocky wrote:'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogroves,
And the mome raths outgrabe

:Back to Topic:

Anyways! I love your lack of rhyme! It exemplifies your excellent use of meter.

ScarlettFire wrote:with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of thing
threaded throug their hair

Just one more thing: make "thing" plural.

And I think AngerManagement pretty much summed up the rest! Nice work!

Hi, Scarlett! Overall this poem is not bad, you use some interesting words. I think there needs to be some more punctuation in here but it's not a gigantic problem like I often notice with pieces that lack punctuation on this site. But here's the main problem that destroys it: underlying message. Frankly, there isn't one. You've painted a very calm, ethereal image here, but there's no meaning in it, no overall theme. Timeless literature and poetry makes a statement about something--life, love, society, etc. It's incredibly broad and the commentary is up to you. But there's no message to this piece at all, it's just a fleeting image of an enchanted night. Try to incorporate some more depth in your poetry and you'll go farther.

Also:

ligthing up the trees

Spelled "lighting" wrong.

threaded throug their hair

Spelled "through" wrong.

Well it seems like everyone above me got to all the corrections. But there is a few more. Punctuation is a key ingredient next to imagery. Both are important to the flow and the readers sight and view of the picture you're trying to paint in our heads.


No need to worry about imagery though, you had enough and I enjoyed reading this poem. 10/10 for you (: Keep writing!

Alright, so, this made me shiver. The imagery is nice, and I could really feel it, and whats going on.

Dancing round a faerie ring
were many strange and beautiful folk
with leaves and twigs, and flowers
and all sorts of things
threaded through their hair

I especially liked this stanza. It's the stanza that brought the whole piece together, and really made the whole poem clear.

very very good.
~WickedWonder

For this piece Scar I'm apprehensive it's a good idea don't get me wrong but some of the stuff in it reads rather awkwardly, but perhaps I should explain this better, so on with the review.

Some of the wording in this is shall we say stunted it seems a little shall we say forced. And many of it seems to say same as before, like there was one line that stood out to me and felt forced:

and all sorts of things

Surely you could find a less bland way of saying this, all sorts of things, doesn't sound magical. It sounds like a kid writing a story and unable to think of good description to use, so instead they resort to use a dull collective term.

Which brings me to next point, the wording of a lot of this, seems lacklustre, it doesn't really enchant. Simply put it goes through paces, but doesn't do much else other than that. You get the idea but never really enjoy the concept. It seems too straight forward, with using a word like 'faerie' you should try use a little better word choice. I'm not fully sure, but this here doesn't do it for me.

Overall: This has potential if your willing to upgrade the word choice and make it stronger, really enchanting us, bring us to the ring and let us feel the joy. As of now we're going for the paces. Nothing more.

Hope this helps.