Poison *Edited*

People usually drink wine with meals,
Rosé, white or red regardless,
I take a swig of poison,
but don't take salt, but arsanic.

A sucide attempt, how drole.
Happiness in a bottle of sleeping pills.
You misunderstand my situation, doctor.
I don't want to die;
just live a different life.

Have you ever looked in the mirror
and not liked what you had seen?
Yes? Well imagine that,
for twenty three years.
I have hated myself since I was,
about eight.

No I don't blame my parents.
Nor, the kids at school.
I blame the razor blade,
for looking like the best fricking date,
to my prom!

So doctor, please understand.
This is all an act.
I think your the one with the problem.
Me? I'm just a girl without a care in the world,
but with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I promise I won't take more than
the recomended dosage.
But I can't promise I'll make my
next appointment.

People usually drink wine with meals,
Rosé, white or red regardless,
I take a swig of poison,
but don't take salt, but arsanic. I love this bit, it's like harm adds 'spice' to life.

A sucide attempt, how drole. spice again - themes - thumbs up
Happiness in a bottle of sleeping pills.
You misunderstand my situation, doctor.
I don't want to die;
just live a different life. do you mean a different life as in afterlife, though, or as in a life of nearly dying each time?

Have you ever looked in the mirror
and not liked what you had seen?
Yes? Well imagine that,
for twenty three years.
I have hated myself since I was,
about eight.

No I don't blame my parents.
Nor, the kids at school.
I blame the razor blade,
for looking like the best fricking date, self-harm or suicide consideration?
to my prom!

So doctor, please understand.
This is all an act.
I think your the one with the problem.
Me? I'm just a girl without a care in the world,
but with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I love these last two lines.

I promise I won't take more than
the recomended dosage.
But I can't promise I'll make my
next appointment. So do you mean she will or will not kill herself?

I like this poem a lot, although I think it can be vague in parts. Is she, or is she not suicidal? Or is the vagueness supposed to represent her being on the line?

Either way, very nice. Keep writing!

Much.MUCH better. Wow, you really have a gift. Nice continuation. Keep on writing!

retrodisco666 wrote:
So doctor, please understand.
This is all an act.
I think your the one with the problem.
Me? I'm just a girl without a care in the world,
but with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I promise I won't take more than
the recomended dosage.
But I can't promise I'll make my
next appointment.

I especially love that part.
I'll be following you....
*stalker mode*

That was much better. I really liked it. It was more understandable to read and showed more emotion than the last version. This one is much more better. Awesome job

retrodisco666 wrote:People usually drink wine with meals,
Rosé, white or red regardless,Rose is a type of wine, right?
I take a swig of poison,
but don't take salt, but arsanic.arsenic

A sucide suicideattempt, how drole. Drole? hows about dull, because I didn't know what you were saying, because I don't know what drole is.
Happiness in a bottle of sleeping pills.
You misunderstand my situation, doctor.
I don't want to die;
just live a different life.other then that, live this line!

Have you ever looked in the mirror
and not liked what you had seen?
Yes? Well imagine that,
for twenty three years.
I have hated myself since I was,
about eight.Flow is a bit messed up here.

No I don't blame my parents.
Nor, the kids at school.
I blame the razor blade,
for looking like the best fricking date,
to my prom!???

So doctor, please understand.
This is all an act.
I think your the one with the problem.
Me? I'm just a girl without a care in the world,
but with the weight of the world on my shoulders.Love it!

I promise I won't take more than
the recomended dosage. [b]recommended[/b]
But I can't promise I'll make my
next appointment.LOVE LOVE LOVE this last line!

Very nice poem, with a bit of a comedic twist at the end. A optimistic way of looking at suicide, almost. Very good, keep writing!