Labinac - Elb[i]srever Ma I

Time wrinkles
into the clutches
of this memory.
A permanent affixation
caresses me down,
drowning my cerebellum
in aching ecstasy;
no culture or class
can capture the dreams
escaping my mind
at the lip of my seams.
Wish me not,
but untie the eternity
inside this womb,
beneath the bliss
bled by a wound;
portal found within myself,
its nature to consume
and disappear
every remainder of itself.

Hey,

I love this poem.

I was a bit unsure about it at first due to the title, but I am really glad i read it.

Really good.

~Retro Disco666

I'm not quite sure what the title has to do with the poem, or how the reversal of letters ties into it, but the title does read nice backwards, and it sounds lovely, like a language that's a mix between Romantic and Tagalog.

As far as the poem itself goes, it was very vague, which made it difficult to understand. It flowed wonderfully words-wise, except for the last line, but I don't know if I can say the same of the ideas since I'm still trying to wrap my head around what this poem is about. I think it might be about a broken heart, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's way off the mark. >.> I do like how this poem has got me really thinking. It's been such a long time since I've come across a poem that's required me to think.

and disappear
every remainder of itself.

I'm really not sure "disappear" is the best word to use in conjunction with the last line, otherwise, I think you need a comma after it. Also, the last line struck me as being a syllable too long. "Every" does it, I think, but I can't think of any replacements/suggestions that work as well. >.<

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and mulling it over, and I'll probably keep mulling it over for a while yet.

Kyllorac wrote:

and disappear
every remainder of itself.

I'm really not sure "disappear" is the best word to use in conjunction with the last line, otherwise, I think you need a comma after it. Also, the last line struck me as being a syllable too long. "Every" does it, I think, but I can't think of any replacements/suggestions that work as well. >.<

"and disappear;
a remainder of itself."

OR

"and disappear
the remainder of itself"

Maybe that could work? Just a simple word to use as a filler?


I liked reading this poem a lot. I was unsure of it the first time I read it, but I reread it 2 or 3 times, and everytime I reread it, I like it more. Good job!