OmniCorp Botanical Complex #17

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Points 16552
Reviews 376
Atop our complex seventeen,
There lie a garden with a view.
And there a yellow flower bloomed,
A daffodil I'd not yet seen.

It rested in a crannied space,
A crack within the concrete wall.
A wonder it could live at all
Within that dry-dull hiding place.

Below, a triggered whir and buzz;
A hum and breath: the seedlings' heat.
All teeming mass, the green pulse beats,
And, oh, how warm that concrete was!

Of vine and cable, steel and bark,
So galvanized and intertwined,
All full of life, that mechic grind,
Begotten, not made of man's own spark.

I plucked the flower from the wall,
And wept to think it might be dead.
I wondered what there could be said
Or if there were a God at all.
Perception is everything.




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Gender Male
Points 790
Reviews 1
It's pretty good. I felt as if I was there. There are a few grammar mistakes, so you might want to check on those. Also, the idea is so unexplainable, that I think you should write a short story with it or maybe just a longer poem. But it was fantastic. Keep Writing.




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Gender Male
Points 3563
Reviews 109
Overall, I liked this poem. Your imagery was very effective, and as Ben said, it made me feel like I was in the poem. Your rhyming did a good job of staying out of the way of the poem. The second and third lines of the first stanza don't rhyme like they should though. Nice work, I loved your use of metaphor and your language.



A wizard is never late. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.
— Gandalf