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This is a poem about how social position pressures can affect one to live inside what is labeled as "proper" boundaries, while the untamed can destroy those strong fences.


Yellow grass
Parched and wild
Spreading its body
Beyond the white, proper
Fence

Leaves that bloom
tulips in the spring
Dangle from warped twigs
Russet and crippled,
They fall

wind,
untamed,
sweeps them
Beyond the white, proper
Fence

Rain
clean,
free,
shining droplets,
gushes onto all of us

the white, proper
fence
caves in,
weak

First, love the avatar! Anyway, I gotta say, when it comes to spelling and grammar, I see nothing wrong (to me. Someone else might, though).
I like this piece.
It has a good message. I hope I can see more of your work some time. Sorry if I, you know, aren't very helpful...
~Ladypurple.

Heya! I liked this poem a lot! Some things, though...
It seems sort of...unfinished. I think you should put in another verse at the beginning, maybe saying something about how orderly the house is, and then go on to describe the wild side of it? I feel like your explanation before the poem takes away from the feel of the poem, and you could eliminate that if you put in a bit about its orderly...ness. So you could describe how the house conforms to expected social parameters, but it's sort of leaking from the edges a bit and contrast those two a bit, maybe?

Russet and crippled,
They fall
but wind
untamed
sweeps them

Here, when I first read it as wind as in the leaves wind around the yard, instead of speaking about the wind. Maybe add commas after 'wind' and 'untamed' to separate that sentence a bit? Maybe this was only confusing to me

Rain that lays on my tongue,
Icy sweet,
Cleansing the home within
The white, proper
Fence
Lays on your tongue too

I'm not sure how this relates to the living inside social barriers theme, but it's nice. The only thing I'd say is that "lays" sounds awkward...to me, at least. Overall, it's a really nice, meaningful poem!

__Khepri__

Hi there, it was a good poem, layed out nicely, allowing the pauses to create the image you are giving. every line had a general image in how you see home, very good looking forward to see more from you