Society hates me

If you are deep in belief of god then do not read this. It is my personal view and is not meant to offend.

Why oh why am I hated?
Is it my straight talking attitude?
Is it my brutal truth?
The fact that I am not perfect in their society?

This society is a pyre,
they, who claim to be free thinking,
lit this fire, with me tied to the stake.
They are the wind the keeps the fire going.

I shall live on my knees,
however my thought shall not be going up.
The shall waft into the valleys of oblivion,
and transverse with the devil.
Lucifer himself shall hear my words,
as I implore him for his anger, his guidance.
To help me leave this forsaken world.

Stars, the moon, the sun,
all wielded by a selfish saint.
He whom causes anguish in pure souls,
with false promises of happy ever after,
and misfit emotions such as love.
He whom stands high amoungst the clouds,
just so he can gloat to his subjects.

How can they claim to be mighty,
whilst people starve in the land of plenty.
When people weep into nightmares.
When people sit in power who do not
know who they speak for.
Armagedon is upon us,
where is your god now?

So call me cynical,
or a traitor,
or a blasphemist.
But you are the one
following the word,
written by man.

I really liked this personally- especially the end. I think that it could be changed in a couple of different ways, maybe varying the beginnings of each line a bit more, as it kind of seems like a list in some places. The punctuation could be changed a bit to steady out the flow and make it more naturally readable as well.

Other than that though, I really liked this. Good idea to put a warning on it.

-Coral-

I like this a lot but you should go through and proof read one more time.
i see where your coming from when writing i think of the same thing and the way most good people in the world are given bad things in life while the selfish and greedy are given so much more.
Thanks for posting!
-Snickerdooly

-I love the intensity and the fact that the anger and attitude never fades throughout the entire poem.
-If this poem is meant to push people to understand your point I would rewrite the first stanza. The loaded questions have an arrogant voice which can drive people to ignore what you have to say, which would be a shame. I understand that the conviction of the writer is what makes this poem, but it is confidence, not arrogance, which is needed.
-I really liked the final stanza. The confidence with which the writer speaks and how clearly he/she exposes the hypocrisy of others is really great.

Sorry this is later than expected, it's been saved in my drafts for a while ...

Why oh why am I hated?
Is it my straight talking attitude?
Is it my brutal truth?
The fact that I am not perfect in their society?

Firstly, this stanza seems quite jarring. Although starting with a question can be good, as in it opens up the poem, having a whole stanza full of them seems very stilted - perhaps it would be better to phrase the later lines in another way than questions. Poems should really flow, and this doesn't which isn't a great start.
Also, this stanza seems very whiny to me. You talk of having 'brutal truth' etc, yet the tone here seems quite whiny and sulky, which is a by-product of the amount of questions you have here. Change the format a bit and it'll probably be better.

This society is a pyre,
they, who claim to be free thinking,
lit this fire, with me tied to the stake.
They are the wind the keeps the fire going.

Right now, you're writing like you'd write prose. I hate to sound wishy-washy, but some more poetic devices here wouldn't go amiss. Yes, you have a nice metaphor type thing, but it could be improved if you perhaps tried to draw the audience into your poem by using more imagery and sense-related phrases. Also, there are unnecessary words that you repeat that don't really need to be there (eg. 'They' is annoying).

I shall live on my knees,
however my thought shall not be going up.

Doesn't particularly make sense to me, but I may be missing something here xD.

I shall live on my knees,
however my thought shall not be going up.
The shall waft into the valleys of oblivion,
and transverse with the devil.
Lucifer himself shall hear my words,
as I implore him for his anger, his guidance.
To help me leave this forsaken world.

At the rise of sounding repetitive, I really think you need to clean up the punctuation here. The amount of full stops (periods) you have here does make it jarring, and I'd like to see you have a smoother flow throughout your entire piece.

Overall:

I think that you start off with a good point in this poem, but for me it spirals out of control and becomes a very ranty poem with an arrogant and whiny tone. I like what you're talking about, but you seem to be going about it in entirely the wrong way. I don't want to go too much into the content of your poem, but the way you talk about it sort of brings the poem down (in my opinion) because I instantly dislike the voice you use here. Yes, top marks for intensity - I ust think you need to refine this so it sounds more thought about and mature rather than just like a rant with some line breaks.

If you'd like to talk about this more, then feel free to send me a PM. I've tried to keep my points on this succinct, but if they rambled a little too much or weren't clear then, again, PM me and I'll try again. xD

Hope this helps!

-Amy