Double Agent

My sister 'emalily' and I wrote this together when we were bored one time... Hope you like it!

I fell in love with a double agent
He told me his name was Steve
He told me he was a regular guy
But that's not what I believe
Yeah I fell in love with a double agent
He told me he was twenty two
He told me he could play the clarinet
But I don't think that's true

I don't care if he's Steve or John
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll still love him till the sun goes down
As long as he's in this little town

My friend fell in love with a double agent
He told her his name was Mike
He told her he didn't have a girlfriend
But I think that's a lie
Yeah she fell in love with a double agent
He told her he was thirty four
He told her he was from outta town
But I've seen that guy before

I don't care if he's Mike or Ron
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll still love him til the sun goes down
As long as he's in this little town

For my friend it's all just a fling
She doesn't feel how I feel
I don't know if it's a game I play
Or even if he's real
But this guy I think I have
He's the only one that I've got
I think I'll always love him
Double agent or not

I don't care if he's mine or not
As long as he's happy that's what I want
I guess that's how it has to be
Double agents need to be free

I think it's awesome haha

I like the concept. Or atleast the concept I got.
I feel this is more of a poem (sorry)
I'm sure you have a tune, however my impression of reading this was that of a poem.

You might want to add a hook, ya know, like for example the song "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift her hook before she goes into her chorus is "she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts, she's cheer captain and i'm on the bleachers...etc etc" you get my point. It needs a hook, a catchy one at that.

Something else rather unclear, is Ron John Steve Mike the same guy and he's playing you? Is he playing your friend? Does that hurt you, seeing that you have so many feelings toward him?

It would be a good idea to add like a verse or something that in a catchy way says that he breaks your heart, ya know?

PM me if you need any help.

Ash and Em, I love it. I believe the hook rockstarz was taking about could easily be communicated throught the tone and power of the voice singing it. And I loved when the realisation of what's happening between the girls hit me. It reminds me of a Lily Allen song. You both are awesome lyrics writers. Teach me!
-Maddy

Hey, Smashles!
I liked these lyrics a lot. (I was just about to write 'poem': I thought it would also have fitted into that genre.) They were very original and seroiusly, I loved them. The repitition added to the whole feel of what you're trying to say: 'he's a double agent but I love him anyway.'

'I fell in love with a double agent
He told me his name was Steve
He told me he was a regular guy
But that's not what I believe'

I love that stanza. Its rhythm and rhyme scheme flowed wonderfully and I was, basically, hooked.
There was one thing I wanted to point out, though. The ended seemed - although it's probably just me - a little bit weak. As in, it was a very good poem, powerful and everything, but the ending didn't quite do it justice. The most simple tweak you could execute would be to add a period at the end of this last line. I dunno ... I sort of felt that it strayed a bit from the main idea. The poem is expressing how you love him even though he's a double agent, but this last line is trying to tell us that he has an excuse for being one. Grr, that looked like a pathetic little piece of criticism. *I didn't say anything ...*
Overall, a job very well done: well written and original.
Keep writing, both of you.
God bless,
Ignis