Princess killer

I killed Cinderella,
shot her twice in the back.
Didn't know her,
didn't need to.
I knew how it would end.
Happy. Ever. After.

Yeah, I tipped of the witch,
gave her the poison myself.
Apple, genius.
She should have died.
True love. HA!
Don't make me laugh.

The rose, now that takes me back.
She wanted to create hope,
I didn't know what the dippy
old bat was on about.
I was young, as were my dreams.
Now I know the goal.

The sea witch . . .
oh yes I remember.
Tricky one, I admit,
but none the less do-able.
To be honest with you,
I don't know where they all went wrong.

So what if I tried to kill the princesses.
So what if I loathe Prince Charming.
So what if I can't stand happy ever after.
Does that make me less human?
Or just another broken heart in the crowd.

Haha I love this! Not as much haha... you undertand.

retrodisco666 wrote:I killed cinderella, Capital C for a name.
shot her twice in the back. One thing that confuses me is that you start off like it's humorous.
Didn't know her,
didn't need to.the sudden emotion change from the second line is confusing, like I said before.
I knew how it would end.
Happy. Ever. After. I like how you put periods. good emphasis.

Yeh, I tipped of the witch, I think you meant 'Yeah' not yeh
gave her the poison myself.
Apple, genius.
She should have died.
True love. HA!
Don't make me life. life? I think you meant life. Other then that, the flow is a bit off here. In the sentence before, it's long sentences. here, it's short.

The rose, now that takes me back.
She wanted to create hope,
I didn't know what the dippy old bat was
on about. <-- too short for the rest of the stanza
I was young, as were my dreams.
Now I know the goal.

The sea witch . . .
oh,yes, I remember.
Tricky one, I admit,
but none the less do-able.
To be honest with you,
I don't know where they all went wrong.

So what if I tried to kill the princesses.
So what if I loathe Prince Charming.
So what if I can't stand happy ever after.
Does that make me less human?
Or just another broken heart in the crowd.

Overall: It's confusing. I don't know what half the stanzas mean. Now, that's not a bad thing, necessarily. But, if you want a bit better reviews, maybe you could be a bit clear-er...? Sorry if I sound mean, by the way. This is a very good poem and idea, and I like your creativity about the MC's views.

~Keep writing!
Dragon

I like this. My main issue with it is that you seem slightly uncertain whether to make the tone playfully sarcastic or actually angry. But I do like it; very original.

I like this you just need to go over it one more time and edit the simple mistakes! Love the way you make your poems about things that are difffrent

I don't care if other people see things wrong in this. I wish I could write that good, because that was amazing. I absolutely love it. I like how you compare fairy tails to life, something we do everyday in our brokenhearted state of mind, but rarely do anything about it except wish it were real. In truth though, it never is that simple. I love how you made the fantasy real.

retrodisco666 wrote :I don't care if other people see things wrong in this. I wish I could write that good, because that was amazing. I absolutely love it. I like how you compare fairy tails to life, something we do everyday in our brokenhearted state of mind, but rarely do anything about it except wish it were real. In truth though, it never is that simple. I love how you made the fantasy real.

I also liked it. It's original. I never read something like it. But it's confusing. I don't know what half the stanzas mean. Anyway, keep writing to improve it.

~Alicia~

Retro,

Yeah, this is quite frankly, the epitome of awesome, simply put.
It's a quirky twist on humanities view of "happily ever after", which is not a new concept, but this poem makes it come alive again.
My only complaint is that some of the grammatical errors make it a little hard to interpret, but that's an easy thing to fix.
Your cynicality is refreshing, don't lose it.

Keep it up,
QL798