Remember She Once was Innocent

She used to wear yellows and pinks,
Now she's walking the streets in grays and blacks.
Her life has no meaning.
She will never forget it.

She wore a smile that could light up New York City.
That day she wore her brightest.
Now it has crumbled into a set line.
Her emotions have plummeted.

He told her that she was safe.
Used to help her sneak out at night
Just to drive her all around town.
Remember she once was innocent.

That one night he did the same,
Telling her he was taking her to a secret place.
She had been so ecstatic.
Don't forget, she had believed him.

It had been too dark
And he had locked the doors.
She tried to scream,
But she was far more overpowered.

He tore off her blouse,
Her face was streaked with black lines of make up.
When he told her to stop crying
His voice bellowed inside the Honda.

There he exposed her skin.
Did with her what he wanted.
She had kept begging,
But he wouldn't even think of stopping.

She had been too gullible.
To her he had been truly in love.
She used to think he would save her from problems
Instead he ended up creating the first one.

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it

That was really sad. I have to admit, but something about it reminded me of a Utada song (sorry if you don't get the reference), but that's a good thing.

imaginemymind wrote:
Used to help her sneak out at night , (I think, I may be wrong
Just to drive her all around town.

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Don't forget, she had believed him.This line doesn't really make sense to me.

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But she was far more overpowered.Neither does this line. Especially not this line. It's really odd
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She used to think he would save her from problemsagain another comma I think
Instead he ended up creating the first one.

Other than that, I really liked it. Although, it was a bit awkward at places.

I like the whole idea, but I actually think I would've liked it more if it was even just a little less straightforward. I would've liked to just get a taste of what was happening, rather than a direct story of it. All the same, it was an emotional piece, tohugh I think it lost some of that raw energy in certain places. Just try tweaking it a bit, maybe, and see where that takes you.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

I like it, but the flow isnt very good, i agree with the person above me, it is awkward in places but i like it(:

This kind reminded me of a pattern poem I wrote sometime ago. This was a very sad and frightening piece. It was frightening because it made me think that this actually happens in all reality. This was a good poem and I agree with the other writers. I liked this poem a lot.