Home (bad name, I know)

You stand in a field,
surrounded by family
shadows are composed of friendly shapes,
wind blows from the proper direction
simple nourishment
harmonious rhythms.
A fertile tomb,
where the spirits of ancestors
brood over the unbroken
seeds of the future.
The rustle of relatives is a melody
nothing will change
although centuries pass
It’s home
And always will be

hey.....i know YOU! you're muse from tywc...i just go through talking to you...anyways, nice goin'. this is a really good poem...i liked it a lot...don't change anything. inconsistent in some places but inconsistency is good. *two thumbs up*

Three thumbs up! *but he realises that he has no third thumb, so he baerly lifts his right toe* smashing stuff muse, btw, i like the name-muuuuuuse

ummm... cant say i really get it, but hey im pretty dense It was really lovely though, actually my favorite kind of poems are the ones i dont quite understand but i just really like the way they sound. i like the rythm of it, its almost like a chant or something. it has like a ancient, spiritual feel to it. i really like it, dont change anything. And the title aint that bad. by the way, you have an ABSOLUTELY AWESOME avatar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :thumb:

An older poem, apparently.

Age has not diminished its beauty, however.

Interesting, well written, for the most part well paced, and easy to read. Good work.

Only one thing in this poem made me cringe, and that was

shadows are composed of friendly shapes

For some reason, the timing seemed offon thisone, too many syllables or something...when I read it, I automatically removed the word "are" from the sentence...it seemed to keep the flow running more cleanly.

In any case, nice work.

--Q

I really enjoyed this. It certainly captivated the meaning of Home and held my attetion. The imagery was beautiful and I agreed with your points, which helps me like the poem more, even though it shouldn't. I'm sorry I stole your icon - I'll change mine, okay? Don't worry - I have plenty now....
More on the poetry:
I didn't think that the name of the poem was bad or uninteresting - most of my poems and many famous poets do not title their work unless, of course, they have to. Home is exactly...well, yes, I suppose it's exactly what it is about. But I agree with Quiz: cut out "are". For some odd reason it bothers me. Yet, it is your poetry and you have the freedom to do and believe what you want to about it.
HAH! You are Muse from TYWC. Sorry....I'm the Empri Dark there.

Hey Muse, ever heard of Elfpack? I'm assitant editor for the EP Daily Poem, and, boy, could we use some of your stuff!

And I kind of like the name Home for it. Gives it a simplicity that's just perfect. I *really* like this... I can't say why, but it just stuck something inside of me, and I seriously can't get it out of my head. It's just beautiful.

Wow, that's really all i can say, i've never read a peice like it, once again wow

maybe i'm just stupid, but i didn't get it.

sorry

bluecows

Oh wow. Thank's everyone for commenting, means a lot to me . *is happy*

Bluecows, It's really just about the comfort of home and being surrounded by loved ones.*shrugs*

Oh. You live in a field?

Forget it, some you get, some you don't.

bluecows