Old Poem

4 posts
User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 2046
Reviews 11
-
Last edited by makar7 on Thu Aug 11, 2011 3:31 am, edited 3 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2167
Reviews 27
I like it, it's dark, compelling and original! At first I pictured the predator as a wolf, but if it has claws it has to be a cougar or a wolverine of some sort? Anyways I like it I also like the ending, I could it picture it as a big wonderful killing cycle! Haha, good work mate! :)
Simply Crazed.

Once you see death up close, then you know what the value of life is. - SAW VI




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4996
Reviews 107
I just finished reading/reviewing your Russian Roulette story and I found the link to this, to my surprise it was you again!
I definitely think your strengths lean more towards poetry, this is really good! So foreboding and evil sounding, nice work!

''She's left weeping for her ignorance,scarred from the fake allusion,and heartbroken from the beast's true colors.''
This is my favorite part.
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." ~courtesy of one of history's funniest men, Groucho Marx. ^_^




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1312
Reviews 64
Hi, really good sense of descriptiotion. I liked the poem and the way the story evolved going from a low to a high very progressibly. However there is only one stanza that I don't really like :

There is a predator,
hidden amongst the people of the world, vicious and lusting for the kill.


I can't really go into detail of why I don't like that sentence but I'd prefer it said in another way. Apart from that I liked the flow of the poem ... nice work :)



Never forget how special this site is: the older I get, the more I realize how many lonely writers there are who have only family and maybe some friends to read their works. The fact we get free critique, nightly writing pads, free contests and unlimited interaction at *no cost* with people genuinely wanting to help, can not be overstated or overrated
— Messenger