utfjghfj

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 18178
Reviews 1259
Stereos paint pictures with their vibrations,
lighting up the atmosphere. But all you do
is play sad songs until the air is heavy
and you only breathe in evaporated tears.

Several thousand years will pass before
spontaneous arguing becomes a crime,
until a knife in the dark from behind
is outlawed, until we all love the same
things and we all say the same words.
Its about waiting for the right hand on
the clock to strike before you let
blast a barrage of opinions, drowning
us in your beliefs, making
us feel smaller
and smaller.

No longer do you walk with pride,
but with your knees on the ground
and your head in the earth. When
you travelled down under it turned
your life upside down, but hold
my hand and I'll show you how
to apologise.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 18178
Reviews 1259
Anything is better than silence.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1190
Reviews 6
I don't know why but I really like this poem.

That's all I reall can say except that I think it was brilliant...

~Lozareth~
Lozareth ~ The Confused, Insane and Hopelessly Lost

My Webs!!
http://lozareth.proboards33.com/
http://lozareths.tripod.com/




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3941
Reviews 488
heh. that would be my first thought.

upon rereading. heh. but a good one, this time. took me a few readings to grasp any sort of meaning, but the last line, and then with that in contect.. yeah. almost seems to beat around the bust some, and the imagery almost gets in the way.. almost. first and last work well together, the second..reading it a few times it does work in context, but on the first reading it's unclear (too me).

now, please forgive my unintelligible ramblings (that were cut a bit short). This I like much more than other recent work of yours (posted work, that is). now, if you want, give me a few hours (so tomorrow) I can come back and nit-pick.. but that's up to you. good work, now make it better.
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)

Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.

I <3 Rydia




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 915
FOR: Jack



I'm both drawn to and repelled by this piece. The language is intoxicating, but the point is nauseating, and I found myself falling to sleep in mid-sentence. You've got a nice meter going on here (and whoever tells you you don't needs to read it aloud), but the connections from one idea to the next are vague. Without any kind of solidified pronoun playing in this piece, I find it hard to connect...



Brad



True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.
— Brené Brown