(If only you were) Mine

I want you to understand
I want you to touch my hand with your hand.
Because baby, I promise I'll be the best you ever had.

And I know that you can't feel the way that I feel for you.
These dreams I have will never come true.
The love I have I can't share with you.

I want to lie with you, get lost inside your blue eyes.
Like looking up at stormy skies
I'll blind myself with wonderful lies.

I want you to see.
No one can ever love you as much as me
And if you were ever, gonna leave
I'd die cause you are what sets me free.

And when the sun goes down, your all on your own
I'll be your moon and stars, I'll guide you home.

I swear I'd always take the time
If only you were mine.

popatemyheart1994 wrote:I want you to understand
I want you to touch my hand with your hand.
I want your love and know that I'll be your man. AAA pattern? I like it.

And I know that you can't feel the way that I feel for you. This is relateable. Alot of people say to loved ones the they love them more, but you said this in a non-gushy way.
These dreams I have will never come true.
The love I have I can't share with you.

I want to lie with you, get lost inside your blue eyes. This melted my heart. But, I'm a girl and it's supposed to. This is beginning to sound like a typical gushy poem now. It's getting too relateable now.
Like looking up at stormy skies
I'll blind myself with wonderful lies.

I want you to see.
No one can ever love you as much as me
And if you were ever gonna leave
I'd die cause you are the very air I breathe. This may be true, but this sounds over used. Is there another way you can say this or get this emotion or feeling out?

And when the sun goes down, your all on your own
I'll be your moon and stars, I'll guide you home. I like this now, getting out of the ordinary.

I swear I'd always take the time
If only you were mine. Sweet.

Interesting! But, is there other ways you can get your feelings out? Some of the lines sound over used and unorginal. Remember poetic devices? Hyperoble, personification, simile, metaphor! Oh, the horror. All in all, I found it very lovely.

Awww! You don't see a lot of this poetry, making this quite unique. I love how the format changes a little every once in a while, giving it it's own special characteristic. The second to last stanza is the best, in my opinion. I congradulate you.

This is a pretty cute poem and I reckon it would work well as a song.

Just one thing it should be "you're all on your own" not "your" as in "you are all on your own"

And also, this is just a weird thing that I have, I hate the word baby. But that is just me.

Great Job!

And I know that you can't feel the way that I feel for you.
These dreams I have will never come true.
The love I have I can't share with you.

<----- Much too easy for me to relate to this stanza which is probably yet another reason that I truly adore it to pieces.

It's cute, really cute. It makes one want to ache inside and I've written far too many pieces in my life like this to a stranger to these works despite how much I love them. It's a way to express so much inside of you, and that's what one tends to need in their life more than anything else for the most part.

I want you to see.
No one can ever love you as much as me
And if you were ever, gonna leave
I'd die cause you are what sets me free.

Beautiful. Far too beautiful for me to say anything else really.

I love it. It's expressive, and emotive without being over the top. Good job.

- GhostlyImpressions.

Thankyou everyone again for all the great reviews. Some great advice there. I'm glad you liked the poem, I wrote it for you!

popatemyheart1994 wrote:I want you to understand Good first lie
I want you to touch my hand with your hand. I really like this line it really made me feel warm
Because baby, I promise I'll be the best you ever had. Its all good except for the word baby i dont knnow i just dont like that word it makes me cringe

And I know that you can't feel the way that I feel for you. I know probablly alot of people will be able to relate to this but it realy does feel like you wrote this for me its like these are the words I wish came out of my mouth
These dreams I have will never come true.
The love I have I can't share with you. Too true and very sad

I want to lie with you, get lost inside your blue eyes.
Like looking up at stormy skies
I'll blind myself with wonderful lies. This is my favourite stanza.

I want you to see.
No one can ever love you as much as me amazing
And if you were ever, gonna leave
I'd die cause you are what sets me free. Damn mathew are u actually reading my mind

And when the sun goes down, your all on your own
I'll be your moon and stars, I'll guide you home. cute

I swear I'd always take the time
If only you were mine.

i really like the ending its just really nice


I really like this mathew you have done a very good job. Its diffrent to all the other love poems I have read on herer and it really did comfort me. This would make a great song and I would love to write the music for it. You are very talented and I get excited to read your work well done matt well done

nice one

Matthew,
this song is very beautiful and captures emotion, especially when you talk of 'stormy skies' I could imagne singing it and it works so well as a song rather than a poem.
It uses time in a good way too - talking about the sun - for example.
I really think this is good, and writing lyrics is something I think you're skilled at.
Well done.

popatemyheart1994 wrote:I want you to understand
I want you to touch my hand with your hand.
Because baby, I promise I'll be the best you ever had.

And I know that you can't feel the way that I feel for you.
These dreams I have will never come true.
The love I have I can't share with you.

I want to lie with you, get lost inside your blue eyes.
Like looking up at stormy skies
I'll blind myself with wonderful lies.

I want you to see.
No one can ever love you as much as me
And if you were ever, gonna leave
I'd die cause you are what sets me free.

And when the sun goes down, your all on your own
I'll be your moon and stars, I'll guide you home.

I swear I'd always take the time
If only you were mine.

I really liked this. I like the rhyming, but I would sya at some times it was a bit....forced? Im not sure how ot put it. Other than that, great job. Keep writing!