Come With Me

Hey everyone. This is my first "finished" lyric. One afternoon, something made me write this song. Hope you like it guys! Hoping for your feedbacks, comments, etc.


Come With Me

I saw your face without a smile
Looking at the sky through your window pane
Please tell me why
Your heart is constantly bleeding


I went closer to you
Drying your sad tears
Helping you go through
Can’t you see I’m here?


(Chorus)
Why won’t you just come with me?
Let it just be
A life without a melody
The stars are gazing down on you
Saying you’re the only one for me
Come with me…


You told me all about your story
How she messed up your life
And I can see it inside
Your heart is sinking


I held your warm hands
Saving you from those heartaches
Calling on you
Can’t you see I’m here?


(Chorus)
Why won’t you just come with me?
Let it just be
We’ll make our own memory
The skies are gazing down on you
Saying you’re mine, can’t you see?
Come with me


Oh…Oh… just come with me….
Come with me
Come with me…
Oh Oh… Just come with me

Hello, this is my first time reviewing lyrics so what I say here may be totally ignored.

The start are gazing down on you
Telling you’re the only one for me
Come with me…

The only problem I have with it is right here. I think that start was supposed to be stars. No biggie, just a typo I'm sure. Also, "telling" seemed a little strange to me. Maybe it should be "saying" instead.

Other than these two small nitpicks, I didn't see anything wrong with it. When I was reading it, I imagined it being sang with an acoustically. Is that right? Maybe that's just how I think because I play acoustic guitar.

Thanks for that, Brainy. I fixed those two things already. Thanks again.

Heym Yurii! Nice, you write songs! =D/ Does this have a melody yet? =)) I'm here to review. =)) My comments will be in pinkish font.

Yuriiko wrote:

Spoiler

Hey everyone. This is my first "finished" lyric. One afternoon, something made me write this song. Hope you like it guys! Hoping for your feedbacks, comments, etc.

Come With Me

I saw your face without a smile
Looking at the sky through your window pane
Please tell me why
Your heart is constantly bleeding

I went closer to you
Drying your sad tears away? Okay, that would ruin the rhyme, but seems like there's something missing there. =| Can't point out what....
Helping you go through
Can’t you see I’m here?


(Chorus)
Why won’t you just come with me?
Let it just be
A life without a melody
The stars are gazing down on you
Saying you’re the only one for me
Come with me…


You told me all about your story
How she messed up your life
And I can see it inside
Your heart is sinking


I held your warm hands
Saving you from those heartaches
Calling on you
Can’t you see I’m here?


(Chorus)
Why won’t you just come with me?
Let it just be
We’ll make our own memory
The skies are gazing down on you
Saying you’re mine, can’t you see?
Come with me


Oh…Oh… just come with me….
Come with me
Come with me…
Oh Oh… Just come with me

The chorus kind of confuses me. =| But anyway, it's a nice song. =)) I feel like slow rock is the most appropriate genre for this. LOL XD When I was reading it, I was honestly reminded me of "You Belong With Me" by T-Swift. LOL Anyway, still nice--just feels like a bit too simple. =| Sorry for my poor review. I can't really point out what I want to say. Ugh...=|