My First Love

My muse is gone,
And I see no rythym,
Why am I like this?
You,
that's why.
You came into my life,
And I really wish you hadn't.
They had warned me,
All of my friends.
Why hadn't I listened to them?
Because you're the one,
Who knows how to charm them.
You're the one,
Who knows how to make a girls heart stop.
Between the hair flipping,
And the flirtatious jokes,
You made me feel wanted.
I just couldn't handle it.
You were my first love,
You know.
And my first heartbreak.
Now it's happening again,
You, you, you.
Why is this happening still?
I thought I was over you?
But I guess I'm not,
I don't feel like I ever will.
And the thing is,
You don't even know how I feel...
Do you?
How could you?
You were to busy waving at your,
Uh,
Girlfriend!
Sometimes it makes me feel so angry,
How vulnerable I am.
How I try to catch glimpses of you while you practice in football.
And now here I am,
Again,
Spilling my guts because I don't know what else to write.
Because I can hardly feel anything else.
My heart is numb,
And my tearducts are dry.

I think your problem is you stay too focused on the story; you tell us what happens but you don't open us up to how you feel so that we can feel it too. I think instead of going head-on into it you should pull away from the direct story and just give us more of an essence of the situation, if that makes any sense. Give us imagery, depth, something that can bring us to feel like you do. Right now I just feel like it's a bit typical. Yet I see the potential for improvement.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Dear iheartbooks,

If we haven't met before, let me introduce myself: I am The Written Chef. Hello!
Anyways, now to crack down to le business.

First, I want to say that 'Love' is by far the first best choice to write a 'ranting' poem, if you will. Good choice on subject. Although ranting is good at times, your poem however did fall victim to its mis conception: ranting! It was a little prolonged on the fact that this guy broke your heart over and over. I did get the fact that perhaps he original had a girlfriend and that was the aspect that kept him from noticing you. You love him and its doomed really for him not to love you back because of such. How tragic really!

Other than the negatives, it was overall pretty good. I give it a 3/5 for sure. I must say when I first saw it I was thinking "OMG, it's long!" However, it flowed very well regardless of my first conception.

Thanks for sharing your feelings with us!

If I was to give you any advice on the subject, it would be to gather more whimsey. I particularly love whimsical poems and this one lacked such. But again, whimsey isn't for everyone so others may grow super found of this poem regardless of my interpretation. Thanks again,

-The Written Chef