Picking At My Nail Polish

Headphones in my ears
Background noise, just a ringing
Leather couch sticking to my skin
doodling on self
Random things I think
Puppies...
Plates...
Planet...

~This is a poem Calligraphy made me write because I DON'T WRITE POETRY! She pretty much completely forced me and helped me with all the steps so yeah. Please review ~

Wild

Because I forced you to put this up/write it I guess I should probably review like a nice friend.

wildatheart wrote:Headphones in my ears
Background nose, just a ringing
Leather couch sticking to my skin
doodling on self What are you doodling with?

O.K. I really shouldn't be telling you how to make a poem better when I just helped you write it, but yeah. I like this poem short simple and really good for a first try. I think you should work with your imagery though expand. I can see each thing separately, but I never really pictured the whole picture. I mean this poem just really seems to be broken up into small pieces. Work with it add more detail. I guess that is all I have to say.

Hope I helped,

A. S.

For a first try, this was really good.
As you go into poetry-land (if you should decide to continue on that crooked path), you can start adding in some metaphors and similes and whatnot.
Like, what does the music remind you of? Buzzing wasps, does it seem like white noise or like the ocean when you don't pay enough attention to it? What about the leather couch? Does the pen tickle a bit? What are you drawing? That type of stuff. It's truly the details that matter.

Like I said, I think that this was a great piece- you don't want to see my first poems. They're pretty horrific.

Nice job!

-Coral-

Hey! This is good! i like it. Let's see if I can help. Bold is my comments, since you don't need any corrections.

wildatheart wrote:Headphones in my ears
Background nose, just a ringingWhat's ringing? A phone?
Leather couch sticking to my skin
doodling on selfWith....?
Random things I think
Puppies...
Plates...
Planet...Why is she thinking of these things while listening to music?

Wild

OverallGood start, keep writing! My advice; Maybe use bigger words.

Thanks everybody!
I am going to try to make it better.
Not sure when I will get around to it.

Thanks again
Wilda

Really, really strange poem. But rather good for your first time; it's completely abstract. That's one good thing about trying out poetry, you can be as weird as you want and others will put it down to your style (method in the madness, y'know? However, other YWS members will still rip you apart if you're not grammatically sound). Well done!

TIGERSPRITE

this poem is good for a first try!
you have talent in poetry
so
keep writing!

i like it but i don't get how its about pick ing at your nail polish but i raly liked it