Thorns & Roses [3]

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I haven't read the previous chapters, but I think I will, this story was really nicely written. At some points though, consider maybe expanding your sentences so you have short, middle and long length ones which tend to make the story flow nicer. Other than that, I like the main character and I'm curious to see what happens next

Hey Pink,

I've read your other chapters and I cannot wait for more to come. So into the review....

“Oh,” he apologized, mockingly. “I forgot we did things when only you were in the mood.”

I think here you mean "do" and "are"

...And that was really all I found. So much for a review. There is, however, something that has been bothering me for some reason. What exactly does Victoria look like? I have it in my head that she literally looks like a muscular man and seriously unattractive. But then again why would vince, Kevin, or Nick show any interest if she was that badly...not pretty. I know that you repeatedly describe her as manly...but that's about it. I hope she's a tad pretty and girlish, just saying.

Sorry for being harsh at all, just voicing a query. Keep on writing!!!

Oh, thanks for pointing that out. I should change that, of course Victoria isn't that 'manly' she's actually quite pretty. I think I'll edit this chapter and put in a mirror scene or something, thanks again, I totally forgot about that!

~Pink

Hey Pink!

Thanks for asking me to review!

Our car ride was quite, in fact, I didn’t speak to him once

I assume you meant 'quiet' or quite silent...Or something lol? I figure you meant 'quiet' though.

That was it! I love the past tense, it flows much easier, doesn't it? I loved this chapter also and I can't wait to read the next ones. I love the cliffhanger you left us with...If Kev's not there to defend Vick's from Vince, I assume Nick will step in? Oooooooh Is that who she'll end up with? I hope so...I can't wait to read more, please pm me for the next?

Thanks, Tanya

Hey Colour Buddy!

So there, I’m a man and I always will be this way, get over it,” I snapped

I get what you mean, but her saying "I'm a man" doesn't seem right here.

I thought of how I had the most incredible neighbor living next door to me, Nick Austin.

"Incredible" seems to imply that she likes him?

Nick and his new friends were sitting across the lunch room, roaring like monkeys and having…fun.

No point in the ellipsis here.

“Hey, Vicks darling, long time no see,” he said with a malevolence smile

"Malevolent"

Ooh, the Vince guy is kind of creepy. I like the way that you bought him in here. One thing I think that you should work on is your characters thoughts and feelings. Some of the times, like when she was in Nick's car, it would be nice if we just had a few more of her thoughts. I don't know whether this is just me, but it does feel like some parts were rushed a tiny bit. But, apart from that, I enjoyed this a lot! I do like it better in past tense, your writing style seems to flow a lot more this way. So well done, I can't wait to read your next chapters!

~Amy

Nick Austin. Now I would have to wake up in the mornings, only to see his face when I left for school. Why did he move? And why is it that I had never known that Mrs. Parker was Nick’s Aunt?

So, this was the only thing. You have your character call him Nick. I don't think that's appropriate. Don't you think calling someone by a shorter version of their name, or a 'nick name' is something friends do? Not enemy's? I don't know, maybe it's just me!
Can't wait for the other chapters!
~Classy

Hello, I really enjoyed reading your story. I like Victoria being a fighter and I liked the background with Kevin you shared with us in this chapter. I like the action too. It's great how you managed to make her out to be a fighter while at the same time, like a normal girl. It will be interesting to find out about Vince. I have a feeling that he might just be a fighter too... is he? Looking forward to the next chapter!

Pink. You didn't tell me...I don't think. Ugh, did I tell you? I got the flu. Well, off to your review.

“No, what the hell did you do this time.”

Question Mark.

god’s

Capital G

I stared into my reflection with some newly sparked curiosity.

Kitchen

no need for a capital K

Now, how I was able to get into that filthy, Nick infested vehicle,

Like this.

Glenwood high

capital H


Okay. Not even going to stop and chat. On to chapter four...

Hey Pink!


Okay I liked this chapter a lot, but it kinda contrdicts the character of Nick in my eyes. In the previous chapters, you had said that he had no emotion, but in this chapter he obviously has some if he's to give Victoria a ride to school. He must have some feelings, right? You also had a few tense changes that the others have already spoke about, but changing tenses confuses the reader and could sometimes confuse you. Anyway, I'm off to read the rest, so I'll reply there too!


-Charlotte Grace