This Game We Played

If you are wondering what this is about and want more information, check out the spoiler! Hope it helps a little bit. And now, tear it too piece.

Spoiler

This is a poem about a personal experience. Basically, it's about the relationship between me and a guy. From good friends to inseparable best friends, some where after that, I found out he loved me and after that it fell pretty fast. Now I can't think about him without feeling bad, and torn up.

You lifted me up towards the sky.
Pure light healing me,
Gently peeling my skin.
Heart out in the open.

You tripped on the red line,
Alarms screeching all around me.
Opening my eyes to the nightmare,
That pulsed in time with my heart.

The dark corners of my heart,
Revealed in the morning light.
This sickening feeling,
Of your presence surrounding me.

Eating up inside of me,
Sucking up all that I had left.
This time there's no winner,
To this game that we played.

theotherone wrote:You lifted me up towards the sky.
Pure light healing me, I am not sure what this has to do with the poem. I am confused about its meaning.
Gently peeling my skin.
Heart out in the open.

~~~

You tripped on the red line, How could you trip on a line?

I don't have a lot to say about this poem. I am not going to talk about grammar because you seem to have it covered and I suck at it. This poem is really good and original. I don't recall reading a poem with the same topic. Or if a poem had the same topic it was conveyed in a different way. You say 'heart' a lot in this poem and I think it would sound better if some of the times you described it more.

Wish I could have actually helped,

A. S.

personally i don't quite get the sense in your poem. well, maybe you intended to confuse, but really.. this piece is quite confusing. i understand it a little. i'm quite curious about the game you played. it sounds mysterious.

keep writing.

this poem is really mysterious. i could not understand what you were trying to convey in this poem. there were a few grammatic errors here and there. i think you should try to make your message clearer.