LIAR

Okay, this can be really good, especially if you're gonna do this as a spoken word piece but there's just a few problems. For starters I think the number should be fixed int his poem. The name of the poem is Liar singular so it makes me think that you're talking about one liar but in reality the voice of this poem is talking about many liars. So my suggestion would be change the title of this poem to LIars plural. For example look at the first stanza:

They are empty of sorrow
and abandoned by truth.
A cheat to the bone
and a liar to the heart.

First you say THEY are empty of sorrow but then you say A cheat to the bone. It'd make more since if you changed the part that says A cheat to the bone to Cheats to their bones, or something as long as you make it a plural statement. Then on the last line of the first stanza where you say "a liar to the heart" I think you should use another word for liar hear or a metaphor.

Anyway, your poem's filled with a ton of little things like this. Just look through it revise it and this poem should flourish.

Hi there. I liked how you described liars. It was an interesting poem to read. I agree with Ray though. You talk about "they" in your poem so you may want to change your title to liarS and do what Ray said.

Were we blinded by shock?
Did we misunderstand?
Maybe if I were just to cradle them once again,
to imbrace their innocense

Also, in the third stanza, I believe embrace is spelled wrong.

Keep on writing!

-Cressy

Comments in pinkish font!

Blossom wrote:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They are empty of sorrow
and abandoned by truth.
A cheat to the bone
and a liar to the heart.

How are we to forgive them;
to wrinse them of blame.
When do we step across the line,
the divider of understanding and remorse?

Do we give them time?
Will our hearts reach a point;
a change in our thoughts.
Will we realise what happened?
See past the shadows
and deep into the dark, stormy clouds.

Were we blinded by shock?
Did we misunderstand?
Maybe if I were just to cradle them once again,
to imbrace their innocense. (I believe that "imbrace" is obsolete, and it's innocence.)

But no,
there is too much pain,
the dagger is already pushed in too deep.
What innocence is there to embrace?
What humanity is there to find,
when their soul is scarred for life
and emotions flooded with stillness?

The liar remains.
The terrible deed still haunts.
Whats done is done.
Such is never to be forgotten,
such is never to be forgiven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello there, Blossom! (Aww...reminds me of powerpuffgirls! LOL) I don't know if you were deliberately misspelling words, but imbrace, I think, is obsolete. Do you live in England? You spelled realize, "realise".
Anyway, nice poetry. Though personally, I'll have to disagree with not forgiving a liar. /
Have a nice day!

Hello Blossom. (Okay, you really reminds me of my favorite powerpuffgirls! LOL) I agree with everyone. There's some misspelling words like embrace and realize. But other than that, it's a good poem. Anyway I enjoyed reading it. You have to write more if you want to improve your writings. All in all, practice makes prefect.

Good luck and keep writing,

Alicia.

Hey guys!
Thanks so much for the advice. I agree with your point Ray112, that I should change the title to a plural so it matches the context of my poem. Also, my spelling mistakes were not intended and I can't believe I made such obvious errors (must have been a bad day) and I will be sure to fix them up and remmember to re-edit my work to avoid this in the future. Once again, thanks for your encouragment and advice, it's truly appreciated!
-Blossom xx